kidattypewriter

Thursday, December 30, 2004

Exciting Business Venture

How many times have you tried to make a complaint to a company about a faulty product or a service offered by them, only to find that you are forced to wait on a phone line for ever and ever and ever and ever and ever while they try to find out who is responsible?

Too many times.

And I mean ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and

I get the point.

Well, at The Department Of Giving You Something To Complain About, we aim to do just that!

And I should be excited why?

You see, our business operates on the premise that people are never happier than when they are given something to complain about. That's why we've recruited all the Wrong people for the job, and put them in a diverse range of inappropriate agencies- in order to ensure that if you require a product or a service from us, we WON'T be able to provide it to you!

Wow.

Yeah, exciting, isn't it? Whenever you try to get something from us, we'll force you to wade through a sea of bureaucratic red tape, and in the end, you'll end up with the satisfaction of a Job Not Done!

What a crazy idea.

We think so! So, I can see you're interested. Would you like to send some money in to The Department Of Giving You Something To Complain About, along with a request for a product or service?

Wait a second... you expect people to actually pay you money for this?

Sure, why not? After all, you get just as much non-service from a company that's actually supposed to be giving you service. So why not trust us, a company that PROMISES not to do the job, then goes ahead and doesn't do it?

But isn't there a slight danger that, er, you'll be so good at not doing the job that when I want you not to do a job for me, you, um, won't not do it?

Um... well, you can complain about that too!

Hmmm.

And you won't have to worry about losing any money on us. Just write us a cheque. Our organisation is so inefficient, that your cheque will never be cashed anyway!

Hmmm and double hmmm.

So, what do you say?

Wow! I'm about as excited about this project as I would be watching two drunken snails race off the top of Mount Everest. Okay, where do I sign?

Right here, sir! We look forward to Giving You Something To Complain About!

Hey, my first complaint is in the mail already...



Yes!
I, _____________________________,

would like to be given Something To Complain About! I hereby enclose

$ _______,

and look forward to you Not Doing The Job!




2 comments:

Anonymous said...

Well said, Tim.

Have a good new year.

Darlene
http://darlene_sees_stars.typepad.com/darlene_taylor/

Anonymous said...

Can they please employ me? I'm brilliant at not getting things done.

Redsaid

Email: timhtrain - at - yahoo.com.au

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