Honestly. Other people walking on the footpath are so ridiculous. There should be a law against them. It's getting so that a gentleman can't go for his morning constitutional nowadays without running into gangs of Loiterers, Pamphleteers, Jostlers, Hip-swivellers, or Elderleys.
The Loiterers stand about in groups of two outside shop windows, strategically placed so that they disrupt your manly stride.
The Pamphleteers, so called because they stand on street corners waiting for you to pass by and wave pieces of paper in your face demanding that you Save The Whales/Save The World/Save Your Soul/Make Great Savings Now! Don't these people have anything better to do with their lives? Streets are for walking, not talking.
The Jostlers who elbow you out of the way rudely.
The Hip-Swivellers Blonde, stick-figure-thing young lovelys wearing jeans and not much else. The way their buttocks rotate as they walk is a true wonder of nature. Perhaps they could place a pair of motion-activated flashlights upon their buttocks, thus alerting gentlemen of their presence at night.
The Elderlys ie, old people who get together in groups of three or four and take up the whole footpath. They then proceed to walk very slowly and carefully down the footpath, making sure that you are unable to get past them. If you attempt to do so, they will use their frames and walking sticks as deadly weapons. I am of the firm belief that these old people do it on purpose, and gather together in gangs during the mornings to discuss which footpath they shall walk down and whose path they shall obstruct.
One longs for the days when Walking was a gentleman's profession. Nowadays it seems they'll let anyone onto the streets. I think I'll start taking a car horn with me, so that when I get caught behind the next bunch of elderlys, I can honk it loudly in their ears until they move.
That'll show 'em.
Tim, your links stink, you fink!
- John Bangsund's Threepenny Planet
- Broken Biro
- Poetry 24
- Superlative scribbles
- Kirstyn McD!
- Rorrim a tsomla almost a mirror
- More Sterne
- Cam the man from the Dan.
- Too hot to Raaaaaaandallllllll!
- Erin's Excellently Everlasting Effervescements!
- Slammy Infamy
- Hail Paco!
- Baron Blandwagon, purveyor of cyberbunnies, hawker of Roger Corman, and Misruler of the Multiverse
- The Bolta. Aiyeeeeee!!!!!
- Bad Apple Audrey
- The cartoon church
- Sir Martinkus
- A Zemblanian abroad and at home
- A hodge podge of hotzeplotz
- THE SLAMMA!
- Jottlesby's nottings, or should that be Nottlesby's jottings?
- The Snarking of the Hunt
- Jazzy Hands
- David of Metal City
- David the Barista
- The Blogger on the Cast Iron Balcony
- Be an Opinion Dominion Minion!
- ... and Fel
- His brilliant career - from whale sushi to crumbed prawn
- Jo Blogs
- Yet another Tim
- Was two peas, now three peas
- ... Still Life - now with extra rotating cats!
- An Amazingly Awesome Australian Ampersand!
- Blink and you'll miss 'er
- Red in the land of the tigers!
- Wire of Vibe
- Chase him, ladies, he's in the cavalry!
- The Non-palindromical Editrix in Germanium
- Old Sterne
- The briefs...
- ... and the brieflets
- The Purple Blog
- Blairville, lair of all that is wicked and perfidious
- The enticingly acronymical CSH
- EXTREEEEEEEME WYNTER!
- Mark of California
- Silent Speaking
- Lexicon the Mexican
- ► 2015 (61)
- ► 2014 (135)
- ► 2013 (173)
- ► 2012 (275)
- ► 2011 (261)
- ► 2010 (288)
- ► 2009 (290)
- ► 2008 (316)
- ► 2007 (392)
- ► 2006 (373)
- Footpath Rage
- The Foot Blog
- Because I Have Nothing Better to Post About
- Ways to Make the World a More Perfect Place #5
- Like to read this piece of mine and argue vocifero...
- Ways To Make the World a More Perfect Place #4
- I Love the Taste of Marx in the Morning
- Call Me The Chairman
- Blog Predictions
- Those Whacky Prostitutes (And Other Stories)
- Little Peter Rabbit
- CLOSET HOMOPHOBE!!!
- I May Be an Environmentalist, but I'm Not a Bloody...
- ▼ April (18)