I am currently in the process of writing a picture book. Here's how it goes so far...
SPOT GETS NEUTERED
1. One morning Spot gets out of bed.
"Good morning, Spot," says Matthew Mouse.
Spot eats him.
This is Spot.
2. Spot then rolls in a mud puddle for ten minutes. Afterwards, he feels all lovely and stinky.
3. "Good morning, Spot," says Sally. "Look what I've just found! A half-empty can of processed gristle and bone!"
"It looks like a dogs breakfast!" says Spot.
4. They eat it.
5. "Get your clothes on, Spot," says Sally. "We're going somewhere very special today."
"But dogs don't wear clothes," says Spot.
"Good point!" says Sally. They roll in a dead fish instead.
6. Spot goes with Sally to a place called 'The Vet'. There he meets many funny people, like:
Welcome to The Vet!
Peter the Paranoid Parrot (who has schizophrenia, and suffers from the delusion that humans talk to him)
Colin Cat (who was, tragically, born with two heads - he's here today for a a 'decapitation')
Maddie Mouse, who is going to get her tubes tied.
7. "Good morning, Spot," says Maddie. "Have you seen my baby Matthew lately? I'm so worried."
Spot feels embarassed, so he eats Maddie too.
8. It is cold and lonely in here. Then the assistant comes up and gives Spot a booklet. It's called:
MY FIRST NEUTERING
That cheers him right up.
9. It has lots of funny pictures and talks a lot about correct breeding practice.
Spot wonders whether the operation will make him like his Uncle Rover, who wears a bitches collar and is married to Sally's brother.
Spot likes Uncle Rover.
10. Spot goes in to meet The Vet.
He is a big man carrying a blood-bespattered axe.
He smiles and laughs a lot.
"Good morning, Spot," laughs the vet. "Is this your first time?"
He laughs some more.
11. Afterwards the vet gives him his balls in a jar and laughs.
Spot sniffs at them. Then he eats them.
The vet laughs. Spot laughs. They both laugh. What fun!
12. That afternoon, Spot meets Daisy Dog.
Daisy the Dog
"Hello, Spot!" says Daisy. "Would you like to get married?"
13. "Go away!" says Spot. "I don't speak to bitches!"
So, um - what do you think?
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