kidattypewriter

Tuesday, August 16, 2005

The Worlds in Plurals

People should use plurals more often. I am convinced it is the way to make the world a better place. I mean, it might seem like a silly idea, but consider this:

- A solitary friend would immediately become FRIENDS!

- A dollar would, with the simple addition of an 's', become DOLLARS!

- You could take one book and straight away turn it into several BOOKS!

Of course, the English language would have to be amended. No longer would we write sentences like:

Stacy went down the street to the school where she met her boyfriend, Jack

Instead, we would have to use sentences like this:

The Stacies went down, up, under, over, and through the streets to the schools, TAFES, Unis, and Colleges where they met their boyfriends, husbands, and exes, the Jacks.

A little confusing, but I'm sure we could learn to do it in time.

Indeed, with a liberal use of the letter 's', even fundamental matters of life and death would be changed. Our birth would become our births, and our life would become our lives. With an intelligent use of plurals in this fasion, I'm sure that we could find a way to infinitely prolong our existence, and ...

But wait a minute. There are some other things to consider:

- If you have a wife or husband, they would immediately become WIVES and HUSBANDS.

- You would not merely be a self, you would be several SELVES!

And even worse:

HATE would become HATES, PAIN would become PAINS, SICKNESS (bad enough on its own) would become SICKNESSES, and ... shudder... DEATH would become DEATHS!

No. Perhaps that would not be the way to go. But wait! I have another marvellous idea! What if, instead of needlessly adding things to the world with plurals, we took the things that were wrong away? Let's start with ... say ... the letter 'r':

- REVOLUTIONARIES would become mere 'evolutionaries', and no longer present a threat to the civil order of the world;

- Those tedious things, MORALS, could, by the simple deduction of a letter, become 'moals' - whatever they are.

But then again ...

- Those who DREAD would become - simply - dead;

- BREASTS would become beasts ...

- And - the cruellest irony of all - FRIENDS WOULD BECOME FIENDS!

Hmmm ... perhaps these ideas aren't so good, after all ...

14 comments:

Rachy said...

fascinating stuff... did you have a boring day at work today?

TimT said...

Every day at work is a boring day ... the idea for this post, though, came from a story I wrote a while ago about a communist eastern European dictatorship that censors the letter 'r' from the language, in an attempt to change the world.

Rachy said...

that sounds like an absolutely unreal story, I'd love to read it one day

Vikki said...

I do love these random spiels that you go on!

Anonymous said...

Breathe, Timmy, breathe!

xxx Redsaid.net

TimT said...

I ... can't ... I'm all out of ... beath!

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TimT said...

F*king spam.

That story I wrote ran into a basic difficulty: how do you say 'the letter 'r' has been banned', without using the letter 'r', twice?

vague said...

Um, the alphabetic symbol that looks like a "P" with a stick on it has been banned?

I tried banning "W" for a while after the recent elections, but it got a bit tiresome.

It ould have been orth it, though. No more orries, no more asking the question hy. Oh, ell.

BEVIS said...

HAPPY 30th BIRTHDAY TO ME!

BEVIS

Email: timhtrain - at - yahoo.com.au

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