1. Wear sunglasses at night.
2. Have a Chinese tattoo on their neck/thigh/breast, even though they do not understand one word of Chinese.
3. Vote for the Greens.
4. Call a number repeatedly but leave no message on the answering machine.
5. Own an answering machine but never listen to it.
6. Have a piano in their house while only knowing how to play the crumhorn.
7. Make facial expressions while talking on the phone and leaving messages on an answering machine that people never listen to.
8. Wear purple underwear even though they are a nuns.
9. Sit on public transport with hundreds of other people, yet never say a word to break the funereal silence.
10. Have a third hand but hide it from sight.
11. Have three dicks but only use two.
12. Attempt to train a wombat in steeple-chasing.
13. Write something that does not rhyme, scan, or have any lines, and call it poetry.
14. Write a suicide letter and not kill themselves.
15. Write a long essay about how they are going to kill the President of America and then not go through with it because they are an Australian.
16. Attempt to masturbate a dead rhinoceros.
17. Use apostrophes with felonious intent.
18. Grow broccoli.
Tim, your links stink, you fink!
- John Bangsund's Threepenny Planet
- Broken Biro
- Poetry 24
- Superlative scribbles
- Kirstyn McD!
- Rorrim a tsomla almost a mirror
- More Sterne
- Cam the man from the Dan.
- Too hot to Raaaaaaandallllllll!
- Erin's Excellently Everlasting Effervescements!
- Slammy Infamy
- Hail Paco!
- Baron Blandwagon, purveyor of cyberbunnies, hawker of Roger Corman, and Misruler of the Multiverse
- The Bolta. Aiyeeeeee!!!!!
- Bad Apple Audrey
- The cartoon church
- Sir Martinkus
- A Zemblanian abroad and at home
- A hodge podge of hotzeplotz
- THE SLAMMA!
- Jottlesby's nottings, or should that be Nottlesby's jottings?
- The Snarking of the Hunt
- Jazzy Hands
- David of Metal City
- David the Barista
- The Blogger on the Cast Iron Balcony
- Be an Opinion Dominion Minion!
- ... and Fel
- His brilliant career - from whale sushi to crumbed prawn
- Jo Blogs
- Yet another Tim
- Was two peas, now three peas
- ... Still Life - now with extra rotating cats!
- An Amazingly Awesome Australian Ampersand!
- Blink and you'll miss 'er
- Red in the land of the tigers!
- Wire of Vibe
- Chase him, ladies, he's in the cavalry!
- The Non-palindromical Editrix in Germanium
- Old Sterne
- The briefs...
- ... and the brieflets
- The Purple Blog
- Blairville, lair of all that is wicked and perfidious
- The enticingly acronymical CSH
- EXTREEEEEEEME WYNTER!
- Mark of California
- Silent Speaking
- Lexicon the Mexican
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- Australia Postmodern
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- By The Way
- Post For People With High Self Esteem
- Post For People With Low Self Esteem
- Five Pieces for Arnold Schoenberg
- Satirising the Satirists
- A Letter To Women
- Do You Have Your Devices Plugged In?
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- Enema Of The State
- Hare To The Throne
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- In Flagrante Depicto
- Ways To Make The World A More Perfect Place #7
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- The Emoticon Decoded
- Make Room
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- The Fable of the Hornet and the Woman
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- Ranty Rant Rant
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