I know I've neglected you, shoes. I know you do the best job you can and provide a safe and happy home for my feet. I really appreciate what you've done over the months that we've known each other, truly.
But then you started leaking. Really, shoes, that was most ungentlemanly of you. The clumps on the end of my legs that I refer to as 'feet' are not particularly fastidious, as a rule, but they don't particularly appreciate a moist climate.
And of late, shoes, I have noted various biological odours emanating from within your warm and spacious caverns. This is something that my feet are most picky about. At the beginning of each working day, they do not look forward to the prospect of probing into your nether regions, especially when said nether regions have become a haven for a whole host of other organisms. Let's be reasonable about this. Imagine if, at some point in the future, one of my feet were to invite a particular lady foot home for dinner and a spot of "the delicious act": how would she react to such an environment.
We've been through a lot, shoes, you and I. Mud puddles, for instance. Walks from Brunswick through to Coburg and Fitzroy. Streets and parks in both Newcastle and Melbourne. But I'm afraid we're going to have to part ways. I have found a more capacious home for my feet, and I'm afraid we're going to be moving there at the first opportunity. From now on, you will be employed in the more informal capacity of mantlepiece sculpture or flowerpot.
I'm sorry, shoes. It's not that I don't like you, it's just that I ... I mean, you ... I mean ...
Oh God, I'M JUST SO SORRY!!!!
Tim, your links stink, you fink!
- John Bangsund's Threepenny Planet
- Broken Biro
- Poetry 24
- Superlative scribbles
- Kirstyn McD!
- Rorrim a tsomla almost a mirror
- More Sterne
- Cam the man from the Dan.
- Too hot to Raaaaaaandallllllll!
- Erin's Excellently Everlasting Effervescements!
- Slammy Infamy
- Hail Paco!
- Baron Blandwagon, purveyor of cyberbunnies, hawker of Roger Corman, and Misruler of the Multiverse
- The Bolta. Aiyeeeeee!!!!!
- Bad Apple Audrey
- The cartoon church
- Sir Martinkus
- A Zemblanian abroad and at home
- A hodge podge of hotzeplotz
- THE SLAMMA!
- Jottlesby's nottings, or should that be Nottlesby's jottings?
- The Snarking of the Hunt
- Jazzy Hands
- David of Metal City
- David the Barista
- The Blogger on the Cast Iron Balcony
- Be an Opinion Dominion Minion!
- ... and Fel
- His brilliant career - from whale sushi to crumbed prawn
- Jo Blogs
- Yet another Tim
- Was two peas, now three peas
- ... Still Life - now with extra rotating cats!
- An Amazingly Awesome Australian Ampersand!
- Blink and you'll miss 'er
- Red in the land of the tigers!
- Wire of Vibe
- Chase him, ladies, he's in the cavalry!
- The Non-palindromical Editrix in Germanium
- Old Sterne
- The briefs...
- ... and the brieflets
- The Purple Blog
- Blairville, lair of all that is wicked and perfidious
- The enticingly acronymical CSH
- EXTREEEEEEEME WYNTER!
- Mark of California
- Silent Speaking
- Lexicon the Mexican
- ► 2015 (72)
- ► 2014 (135)
- ► 2013 (173)
- ► 2012 (275)
- ► 2011 (261)
- ► 2010 (288)
- ► 2009 (290)
- ► 2008 (316)
- ► 2007 (392)
- ► 2006 (373)
- Australia Postmodern
- Natalia's Head Bang
- Not-quite-great Moments in Science
- An Eating of Minds
- To A Pair of Shoes
- By The Way
- Post For People With High Self Esteem
- Post For People With Low Self Esteem
- Five Pieces for Arnold Schoenberg
- Satirising the Satirists
- A Letter To Women
- Do You Have Your Devices Plugged In?
- Memo to the Busker on the Corner of Swanston Stree...
- Enema Of The State
- Hare To The Throne
- Roll Model
- The Dietary Habits of Young Males
- I'm As Slightly Miffed as Hell and I'm Not Going t...
- 18 Pointless Things People Do
- The Four Stages of Drunkeness
- The Saga of Ratatosk
- Boring Personal Crap
- Preposition of the Day!
- A Word of Warning
- Hoob Propaganda
- News Break
- Letters from the Hedge
- Geek-related News
- Pretty Words
- The Sunday Seven
- Ways To Make The World A More Perfect Place #8
- In Flagrante Depicto
- Ways To Make The World A More Perfect Place #7
- A Poetical Summary of The Lord Of The Rings
- The Emoticon Decoded
- Make Room
- Ways To Amuse Yourself #2
- The Fable of the Hornet and the Woman
- Eleven Answers to the Question, "Does My Bum Look ...
- Ranty Rant Rant
- ▼ October (42)