Monday, December 12, 2005

"Special Underwear"

Apparently Mormons wear Special Underwear, super underwear (wonderwear, if you will), that brings them closer to God. It's not entirely clear how they consecrate this underwear or in what ways these magic panties bring them closer to God, but it does. Whatever - it's just special, okay? Do not question the ways of the Lord.

It makes you wonder - do Mormons have different types of Special Underwear, for different people? Is there a silken range of wonderwear for naughty nighttime Mormon antics? Do they have Special Lingerie and Special Boxers? I guess that they do, otherwise it wouldn't be special Special Underwear, it would be just plain boring.

Then again, if this so-called Special Underwear was so wonderfully special, maybe self-respecting Mormons wouldn't bother wearing anything else. Then it wouldn't really be underwear, would it, because it wouldn't be under anything. It would be Special-Once-Was-Underwear. Or Special-Latent-Underwear.
And it wouldn't matter too much what variety of Special Underwear it was, either. You could see flabby old Mormon grandfathers going about in sexy (and Special) Black Bits of Lace. Or Mormon grandmothers wandering about in Special Boxers, and nothing else.

But we see NONE OF THESE THINGS on our streets, do we? I think this proves that Mormonism, like any other religion with Special Underwear related regulations, is a pack of lies.

Maybe I'll become a nudist.


thewinchester said...

First out, i'll state for the record that i'm a less-active member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints (That's Mormon for the rest of you) just to give some perspective to the angle i'm commenting from. I've also not worn the undergarmets.

I'm no holy roller, and i'm not a fan of pushing religion down people's throats in the manner which some faiths do - but it's a bit of a stretch to call something a lie based primarily on the reasoning that you've not seen something. And of course you're not going to see any of these things on the street, as;
a) they are undergarmets (insert flash of the blindingly obvious here), and
b) they bear symbols which are sacred and representative of parts of the churches doctrine and preachings.

And for any readers who are curious, there's no underwear designed for special occasions in case you had the mindset running thru you head.

If you are keen to see or find out more about them, take a few moments to grab the clip shown in John Saffran Vs. God. He takes a trip into the Mormon heartland of Salt Lake City, Utah to find out more about them. There's a bit of an explaination about them, and he somehow manages to score himself a pair of the the special clothing which no doubt would make a few people within the religon a little unhappy.

Regardless of your religious or personal persuasion be you buddist, atheist, catholic, pagan, or whatever - to call something "a pack of lies" based soely on an uneducated, unresearched opinion is very thin to say the least.

TimT said...

Thanks, Thewinchester. Have you been eating your Nutri Grain? Your diet could probably have a little more irony in it ...

TimT said...

Or Nutri Brain, even. The brainiest cereal around!

Caz said...

Undies with sacred religious symbols on them? Sacred religious symbols covering one's genitals and bottom?!

Surely a sacrilege or blasphemy, or something really, really, naughty.

TimT said...

I once had this idea of writing The Bible on bits of underwear. After all, that's the only way people will notice it nowadays, isn't it?

I'll probably do a post about it, one of these days.

aimee said...

The thing I have to wonder about these wonderpants is, if you, ah, "soil" them, is it a mortal sin?

TimT said...

... if you, ah, "soil" them, is it a mortal sin?

That depends if you intended to soil them in your heart of hearts. But I'm sure the Virgin Mary has more than one story about her kid's dirty diapers. That's probably where the term 'Holy Crap' came from ...

Dale Slamma said...

I am going to attempt to convert my normal underwear into sacred underwear by writing things on them. Desperately want to be hooning about in special wonderpants.

mens underwear catalog said...

To be honest, I think its just silly. What about people who don't wear underwear?? I think that whether a person wears underwear or not has to do with whether they want to or not!

generic viagra said...

This is something really new for me but I think not only Mormons wearing special underwear because my girlfriend use to wear beautiful and different underwear and that's so special for me.

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