Sunday, May 14, 2006

Our Team Versus Their Team

Our Team:
We're from the country, maaaaate. Sure, we were most of us born in Toorak. But we're true blue Aussies, maaaate. Fair dinkum, 'n' stuff.
Their Team:
Stuck up rich w-oooftahs from the inner city. Probably Toorak. Um, hang on a moment ...
Our Team Mascot:

The Raging Bull!
Their Team Mascot:

The Prissy Poodle.
Our Team Anthem:
... in Mon-Oh-Sill-Ah-Bulls.
Their Team Anthem:
... a six-part choral fugue with immaculate baroque harmony in the manner of J.S. Bach.
Our Team Name:
The 'ARRRRGS' - one syllable. No one realy knows how to spell it or pronounce it. We just shout.
Their Team Name:
Contains one hyphen, two correctly-placed apostrophes, two commas, a period, and both upper- and lower-case letters, deployed in the appropriate places. Fucked if we remember what it is.

Our Team Sing:
"Kill! Kill! Kill! ARRRRRRRRG!"
"Burn! Rape! Destroy! ARRRRRRG!"
"Something! Incredibly! Violent! ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRG!"

Their Team Sing:
Jolly good show, chaps,
Now let's all play
A jolly good game
On this jolly nice day.
O, we are so happy,
And gay, gay, gay!"
Our Team Manouevres:
- The 'Jump'
- The 'Bump'
- The 'Thump 'n' Clump'
- The Triple Play 'Thrash, Crash, 'n' Mash'
- The 'Solar Plexus'
- The Fucking Swear At Them Until They Start Cryin', An' Then Bash Their Fuckin' Face In (Or, the 'Tourettes')
Their Team Manouevres:
- The 'Run 'n' Hide'
- the 'Squirm'
- The 'Squeal 'n' Steal'
- The 'Nijinsky and Ballet Russe Quadruple Play (Or, the 'Pirouettes')
Our Team Sponsor:
The Broadmeadows 'Smash 'n' Bash Car Wreckers'
Their Team Sponsor:
The Camberwell Happy Happy Joy Joy Flower Arranging Society.


TimT said...

Did I mention that my flatmate barracks for Collingwood? Not that it's relevant, of course.

David Rochester said...

This cracked me up. It reminded me of the Monty Python sketch with the army exercises entitled "Synchronized Swanning About."

TimT said...

Don't know that one!

ras said...

In a town full of bulls i am the poodle

Jolly good show chaps, now lets all pirouette down to the wine bar i missing some inside melbourne reference to cross country ballet here???

Whats collingwood?

TimT said...

Collingwood's an AFL team and a suburb in Melbourne. It seems slightly odd to me - growing up as I did in an AFL town in New South Wales - that you haven't heard of Collingwood.

Then again, when I moved to Melbourne, I was slightly bemused to find out that the Fitzroy team didn't exist anymore, or had moved to Queensland. WTF? If Fitzroy is in Queensland, then what the hell is that suburb just over from Carlton?

No idea about cross country ballet, but apparently, in medieval Britain, football did start as a kind of free-for-all between British towns. Pirouettes may or may not have been involved. (Rugby was invented when some smart arse decided to pick up the ball.)

TimT said...

As for the invention of GayFL, I wouldn't be surprised if it was invented by a couple of sado-masochistic man-lovers in St Kilda who wanted an excuse to get their kicks by watching big men wearing tight pants kicking one anothers ball!

ras said...

I wonder if its an affectation of my generation that i dont remember whether i was being faecious about Collingwood.

I dont seem to hear anything about AFL up here....only about NRL and soccer, playing soccer as a child (and classical ballet) I dont mind the odd game of soccer but i switch off when other sorts of football are mentioned especially anything to do with the nights.

Email: timhtrain - at -

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