Dear Steve Bracks, Premier of Victoria,
Thank you so much for legislating to have those wonderful pictures put on cigarette packets! I just love getting up in the morning and stumbling down the street to get some milk, only to find - everywhere I turn my head - pictures of cartiligenous cankers and carcinomas, tar-ridden lungs and devotees of the tobacco plant breathing out their last in the hospital bed. I feel grateful to know that you have done this much to contribute to my aesthetic pleasure!
Sarcasm aside, Steve, I must congratulate you on this astute political campaign. You have elevated our awareness of a terrible problem in Australia: the problem of rubbish. Why, if those awful litterbugs didn't drop cigarette packets everywhere, then no-one would have to put up with these pictures! Let me tell you, Steve, the only thing worse than having to put up with the endless cigarette packets filling up the streets of Coburg, it's tolerating the infinite piles of the MX newspaper that those awful litterbugs leave lying around on the trains! There should be a tax on litterbugs, I say! Even better: we should outlaw littering, and then let litterbugs to practice their filthy habit in publically-owned littering rooms, where they don't bother anybody else. After all, if you're going to behave like preening, sanctimonious twats to me, then you should behave the same to the rest of your 'voting public'. Don't you agree?
In conclusion, I would like to considerately supply you with some pictures of rubbish and trash that you might like to use in your next campaign. Hey, it's only fair!
Yours with slobbering gratitude,
Tim, your links stink, you fink!
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