Tuesday, June 27, 2006

This Is Your Strife #1

I remember reading a while back about some bloke held his own funeral several years before he died, remarking that he 'wanted to hear what everyone else said about him.' It's a good idea, and one that you could take places. For instance, it's probably true that, a decade or so down the track, a few of the writers in the blogosphere will become either mildly or wildly famous in their chosen genres. It would be an interesting project, reading the biographies of their future careers. True, this project has a minor technicality - the future careers of these blogeratti hasn't happened yet. But since when did we let such minor technicalities stop us?
So, without further ado, I present you the future adventures, not to mention misadventures, of some of the Will-be-famous-one-day-Bloggers:

1. Liberterian Lip ...

Rachel Croucher's future career starts off innocuosly enough. She is given a column in Melbourne University student paper, Farrago, titled 'Rachel's Rants: The Fair and Balanced Views of an Extremist'. And of course, to the Socialist Left in the Melbourne University student union, she is an extremist.
Ms Croucher quickly distinguishes herself by dashing up pellucid essays with provocative titles such as: 'Please Fuck Off, Ferals: A Table Book on Manners'. But it is her thoughtful essay on 1930s politics, 'Franco Wasn't All Bad' that will land her a book deal with Harper Collins (who are run by that evil right-wing bastard Murdoch.) Her travel book - based on a publisher-funded trip she takes to East Germany in 2009 - will be titled 'East Germany: One Communist At a Time', and will catapult her into a multi-million dollar career, although her follow-up book 'Rhineland is Happy and Gay' will puzzle some of her more conservative fans.

2. Large, Luscious Lies

Tim Sterne, who blogs here, here, and here under the pseudonym of - er, Tim Sterne, currently whiles away his time lying to his children and studying for a university degree (two activities which in fact bear disturbing similarities to one another). However, a year after the completion of his university degree, Mr Sterne's name will become known more widely with the release of his small handbook, delightfully entitled: Would Aslan with an Ouzi beat the White Witch with a pair of Nunchuckas? An Unbiased Examination of Facts. The book will have modest success, and is soon followed up by Mr Sterne's modest guidebook on Lying to Your Children: A Delightful Family Sport! (Or, How To Deceive Your Child in 7 Easy Steps) Of course, little does he know, but Sterne's modest collection of encomiums will be shortly trumped by a book written by his own child, How To Deceive Your Adult, in 6 Even Easier Steps (And why it is necessary).
By now, his popularity will be certain, and he will go on to write several comic bestsellers, including Shady Underworld Figures I Haven't Known, and Why Is Lord Kitchener Like a Quiche?

More future biographies to come, including: Metal City, and The Lass from Lustre.


Jellyfish said...

I guess I must be thick, because I don't understand this post.

Ah well.

*carries on*

TimT said...

Hmmm, that must mean I didn't do a very good job on this post, then. :-/

ras said...

Do me next!

TimT said...

I will, if I can muster the energy to do another one.

Email: timhtrain - at -

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