Sunday, September 24, 2006
Breaking News: Laughing Man Laughs
Tom Byrnes, of Brisbane, hasn't stopped laughing for four years!
'I just can't stop laughing!' laughed Tom Byrnes.
'And when I try to stop laughing, the effects are so laughable that I laugh some more,' says Byrnes, laughingly. 'It's quite painful, really.'
Byrnes started laughing when someone told him a joke that was so unfunny that he 'just had to start laughing.'
'It went something like this,' chuckles Byrnes, 'What kind of printer does a pig use? I don't know, what kind of printer does a pig use. An oinkjet! I mean, it's TERRIBLE!' he roars.
'It starts off in the morning with a giggle,' giggles Byrnes. 'Then it gradually turns into a chuckle, and then a chortle, and then a few hours of snorting until, by lunch, it breaks into a full-blown guffaw. I continue guffawing for a few guffaws - sorry, a few hours - until I'm all guffawed out; by which time, it turns into more of an exhausted cackle.'
'I get very little sleep,' he sniggers, 'because of the constant jitter of tittering that clatters from my mouth at night. It's really quite exhausting,' titters Byrnes.
Byrnes condition has had a serious impact on his life.
'First I lost my job,' laughs Byrnes. 'I was laughing so much that my workmates thought I was laughing at them. Then they thought I was laughing at the customers.'
'Pretty serious stuff, really,' he sniggers, 'Considering I worked in the social services. So eventually,' he continues, snickeringly, 'The boss called me into the office and said, "You're fired."'
'That was a real blow to me,' he laughs.
'Then my wife and children left me,' laughs Byrnes. 'They didn't find my laughing laughable at all.' He continues.
'Now I laugh all alone. If I didn't laugh, I'd cry,' laughs Byrnes hysterically.
Eventually, doctors had to come to the house of the laughing Mr Byrnes, and take him, still laughing, to the hospital.
They managed to put Mr Byrnes asleep several times, but as soon as he woke up, he started laughing again.
'They were very trying times, in the hospital,' laughs Byrnes. 'I managed to get some sleep, but then all of a sudden, I'd teehee so loudly that I'd wake myself up.'
'It was terrible,' he laughs. 'I laughed so much that all the other patients started laughing. Whenever a doctor would come into the room, they'd be so scared by all the other laughing patients, that they couldn't work.' Byrnes goes on, laughing.
Before long, Byrnes laughed his way out of hospital and had to go home.
'It hurts so much,' laughs Byrnes 'I don't think I can go on much longer.'
'I find it hard to breathe sometimes,' he hoots.
'It's torture. Pure torture!' he convulses. 'Please kill me now!'
'I just wish someone would send me to the 'LAUGHTERLIFE'' he laughs. 'Ha! That joke was so funny, that I almost forgot to laugh!'
However, Dr Mogle Unkleberry, of the Dusseldorf Institute for Research Into Psychological Responses To Comedy, says about laughter, 'Laughter is a physiological response to a small shock or surprise, stimulated by an enzyme in the brain.'
Tim, your links stink, you fink!
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