The phrase 'Put a sock in it, you fruit', can be easily mispronounced as 'Put a suit in it, you frock!' according to researchers at the Quantum Institute for Mispronounciation (or QIM).
'Not only that,' said Professor A. Peter Enus, announcing the results of several months of scientific study into the phrase yesterday, 'But there is also strong evidence to support the hypothesis that the phrase 'Put a sock in it, you fruit', can be further mispronounced as 'Put a root in it, you fox', 'Suck a rock in it, you fits', and even 'Fuck a sock in it, you prude.'
However, questions have been raised about the quality of Professor Enus's research by Sir Fukkmibum Nisenkwik at the University of Higher Scatology of Virginia.
'It's not very well known,' says Sir Nisenkwik, 'But my learned colleague Professor A. Peter Enus's name can be mispronounced as 'E. Peter Anus', 'E. Anus Peter', 'Pee', Anus Eater', or even 'A Penus Eater.' I'm sure you will agree with me that this casts the gravest doubts on the validity of research or otherwise on offer by QIM.
Upon being made aware of these claims, Professor Enus protested that this attack was 'Just not fair.'
'I mean, Sir Fukkmibum Nisenkwik should know that it's impossible for me to make fun of the name 'Sir Fukkmibum Nisenkwik'. So for Sir Fukkmibum Nisenkwik to make fun of my name like that, well, Sir Fukkmibum Nisenkwik just isn't being sporting. I mean, what am I going to call Sir Fukkmibum Nisenkwik, really? 'Sir Suckmythumb Nice and Quick?' The quality of mispronounciation in such an insult is really quite appalling!'
The QIM have also released some preliminary papers detailing research into the phrases "Dreich my stocks", "Muck the freak", "Fuzzy ducks and ducky fuzz,"and "You pratty Kent!"
(More in Opinion on p. 73)
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