|GLOBAL WARMING INVOLVED IN RACY SEX SCANDAL|
Artist's representation of Global Warming.
Millionaire heiress Jasmine Juiceloop was abducted from her home yesterday by international supervillain and her one-time lover Global Warming, after he found her in the arms of a rival!
What followed was an exciting car chase where Global Warming broke several road rules and nearly ran over a puppy.
He ev entually left Ms. Juiceloop lying by the road before speeding off along the highway to Mexico!
In his spare time, Global Warming is rumoured to entertain himself by swearing at small kittens and taking candy off babies while twirling his magnificent black moustache, as well as causing the Greenhouse Effect.
Mr A. Lawyer, a lawyer representing Global Warming, says "My client could not have committed these crimes he is being so unfairly accussed of. He is an abstract scientific theory, not a specific entity."
The Chief of Police in Hollywood when approached by reporters had only this to say: "Global Warming is being held for questioning. And what's all this about Global Warming being innocent before being proven guilty? Tell it to the judge!"
INSIDE: Global Capitalism Implicated in Bag Theft!
Capitalism says: "I didn't do it, it was Communism! Why does everyone always blame me?"
Police say: "Abstract economic theory or not, he's in a lot of trouble!"
An exclusive interview with The Baroque School of Painting: "Drugs drove me to crime!"