kidattypewriter

Friday, October 06, 2006

It's Snot Good For The Environment

Dear Senator Bob Brown,

I have an innovative suggestion for a sustainable agriculture project which I'm sure the Australian Greens will support. Namely, I think we should start a wholescale program in Australian schools and universities, encouraging our young people to PICK THEIR NOSES and to EAT THE RESULTS.

Now, inevitably, some right-wing refuseniks and conservative reactionaries will say things like "That's disgusting!" and "Ew, yuck! We should never eat our own waste products!"
In order to counter these predictable arguments by the fascist automatons, I suggest the Greens initiate a counter-campaign in the media. This counter-campaign would consist of four main arguments:

1) Picking your nose is easy and FUN!, and students (little grots that they are) will quite happily take to the practice!

2) It's efficient and sustainable; the person themselves produces the the item which they then ingest!

3) It would do away with many environmentally wasteful items, such as handkerchiefs and tissues. (Think of all the trees we could save)

4) Finally, snot comes in an attractive green colour!

Of course, we'll have to be very careful that scientists, under the guise of 'progress', don't try to introduce dangerous Genetically Modified snot into our noses, under the pretence of health. I mean, let's face it, GM food is dangerous, and there's no telling what eating that shit could do to us!

Thanks for the time, Bob. I know the Australian Greens will support me on this one. Keep reaching for the sky!

Tim

14 comments:

Don Quixote said...

Thank god you decided to make a joke about the color of the party and not the color of its leader's surname.

TimT said...

We'll leave that up to Frank Zappa ...

Anonymous said...

Ahaha, mandate something that to my knowledge all of them already do.

I wonder if that would make it into their policy documents?

TimT said...

No word yet from Comrade Brown, but I'm sure he'll be mailing me any minute now begging for my services as speech writer and policy expert.

Splatterbottom said...

If you pick too much it can cause your nose to bleed. The best way to deal with this is to lie on your back and let the delicious blood trickle down your throat.

TimT said...

I'll let Bob know.

Kathy said...

Hmmmmm. The most you will get from Booger Bob is a brown eye, I reckon. Snot very nice.

Caz said...

I always thought that it was too much cocaine that made your nose bleed.

"awkbfurt" - word verification

kathy said...

She don't like she don't she don't like.. COCAINE@!

TimT said...

I was a bit of a nose-bleeder as a kid, but I didn't do coke. Not even as a drink. Hmmm ....

TimT said...

Got a mail back from the Greens saying it was "Definitely one of the more imaginative policy suggestions received this week". I'm very surprised that they didn't wholeheartedly endorse the policy. What's up, Australian Greens? Are you a Progressive Party or are you a PACK OF WIMPS!

Arrr, politicians, they're all the same!!!

Caz said...

But to their credit Tim, they did acknowledge your small green offering, and I think you have to give them some Brownie points for that.

TimT said...

Yes, that's very true. I've sent a couple of similar joke letters through to the PM, and I didn't hear back from him once!

Sukrit Sabhlok said...

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