kidattypewriter

Wednesday, October 25, 2006

Socialism: Is It a Political System or a New Age Health Clinic?

A SPECULATIVE ESSAY

Socialism is not a political system, it's a New Age Health Clinic: I'm putting the argument out there. Scoff all you like, but let me present you some of the facts I have marshalled for my case.

IDEOLOGICAL BASIS

SOCIALISM

Freedom of immigration

Elevating global consciousness

Social revolution through mass agitation*

Global hegemony

Sympathy for the colonised.
NEW AGE HEALTH CLINIC

Rectal irrigation

Elevating person consciousness

Personal revelation through meditation


Aubergine enemas.

Colonic irrigation.

(*Note: "Mass agitation"or "Masturbation" - whichever comes first)

Now, if that doesn't convince you, well, I think you're being rather fastidious. However, let me present you with more damning facts:

CULTURAL SIMILARITIES

SOCIALISM

Really crappy music
(Depressing folk music, boring activist chants)

Requires you to bend over and take it up the arse for the good of society

Attracts crazy old dudes with beards (and Bob Brown).
NEW AGE HEALTH CLINIC

Really crappy music
(Depressing folk music, boring neo-tribal chants)

Requires you to bend over and take it up the arse for the good of yourself.

Ditto.



Ladies and gentleman, I think the evidence is clear, consistent, and overwhelmingly in support of my thesis. One of the great dilemmas of the ages has been solved: Socialism is not, and was never meant to be, a coherent political philosophy at all, it's merely a New Age health clinic masquerading as a political philosophy.

Now that we're all agreed on that - anyone up for a little colonic irrigation followed by a nourishing glass of prune juice?

3 comments:

The Polarizer said...

Your comments are very true.
I once sent one of my more stressed colleagues to a Health Spa in Mexico.
I instructed him to run a nice hot bath and to relax.
When he was completely relaxed, I asked him if he had a headache.
He said "No!".
That's when I put the Ice Pick in the back of his head.
It worked so well, we had no more complaints from Mr. Trotsky!!!

TimT said...

What did Mr Trotsky have wrong with him? A dose of the trots?

Anonymous said...

Ahh, I just watched the movie Frida on friday night which has Geoffrey Rush playing trotsky.

I dont know about Prune juice, but I'm up for the colonic irrigation, at least they lubricate the wand before sticking it up your arse. Most of the companies I've worked for in the past five years wouldnt even do that for you.

Email: timhtrain - at - yahoo.com.au

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