This poem is for Mish, who recently noted her cynicism about the festive season.
This Christmas, little dears,
The news is rather bad, I fear.
I'm very, very sad to say
You'll get no gifts on Christmas Day.
You're not on Santa's List at all,
For Santa doesn't exist at all ...
It's not that he just up and died,
It's just - he always was a lie
To keep you little brats in line -
But now he's gone ... and things are fine ...
So children, I really couldn't care
What you shout or scream or swear.
So jump and howl and yell and bawl:
Get into fucking massive brawls!
Smash the windows! Kick the chairs!
Throw the china down the stairs!
Throw the TV through the hall
And kick your brother in the balls!
When that's all done, set up a shrine
To Ereshkigal by the washing line:
You can burn your Aunty Gladdys as a sacrifice.
(If that don't work, then burn her twice ...)
Yes! Now that Santa's dead and gone,
Now that Santa ne'er was born,
Be as the Children of the Corn:
That's my advice.
Tim, your links stink, you fink!
- John Bangsund's Threepenny Planet
- Broken Biro
- Poetry 24
- Superlative scribbles
- Kirstyn McD!
- Rorrim a tsomla almost a mirror
- More Sterne
- Cam the man from the Dan.
- Too hot to Raaaaaaandallllllll!
- Erin's Excellently Everlasting Effervescements!
- Slammy Infamy
- Hail Paco!
- Baron Blandwagon, purveyor of cyberbunnies, hawker of Roger Corman, and Misruler of the Multiverse
- The Bolta. Aiyeeeeee!!!!!
- Bad Apple Audrey
- The cartoon church
- Sir Martinkus
- A Zemblanian abroad and at home
- A hodge podge of hotzeplotz
- THE SLAMMA!
- Jottlesby's nottings, or should that be Nottlesby's jottings?
- The Snarking of the Hunt
- Jazzy Hands
- David of Metal City
- David the Barista
- The Blogger on the Cast Iron Balcony
- Be an Opinion Dominion Minion!
- ... and Fel
- His brilliant career - from whale sushi to crumbed prawn
- Jo Blogs
- Yet another Tim
- Was two peas, now three peas
- ... Still Life - now with extra rotating cats!
- An Amazingly Awesome Australian Ampersand!
- Blink and you'll miss 'er
- Red in the land of the tigers!
- Wire of Vibe
- Chase him, ladies, he's in the cavalry!
- The Non-palindromical Editrix in Germanium
- Old Sterne
- The briefs...
- ... and the brieflets
- The Purple Blog
- Blairville, lair of all that is wicked and perfidious
- The enticingly acronymical CSH
- EXTREEEEEEEME WYNTER!
- Mark of California
- Silent Speaking
- Lexicon the Mexican
- ► 2013 (173)
- ► 2012 (275)
- ► 2011 (261)
- ► 2010 (288)
- ► 2009 (290)
- ► 2008 (316)
- ► 2007 (392)
- 2006 In Books: A Year That Wasn't
- Move Over, Cabbage
- Modern Communication: An Instructive Tale
- A Little About Covers
- Merry Christmas Folks
- A Few Random Notes
- A Word on Carols
- Spin for a Penny, Spin for a Pound
- Road Testing the Presents
- A Saucy Offer
- The Customer Disservice Industry, Now More Deficie...
- Way Too Much Tim On Your Hands
- Sign I May Be Reading Blogs a Little Bit Too Much ...
- A Night in Notes
- A Carol For The Times
- Lest Leaping Dogs, Sly ...
- The Chronological Eccentricities of James Bond Fil...
- A Moral Poem To Bad Little Boys and Girls
- Enter Private Eye, Stage Right, In The Key of E .....
- Misstake Marples
- Splenetically Engineered Food
- A Sort of Response ...
- Not Quite Obsession
- The Labours Of ...
- Brutal is Beautiful
- The Alan Kohler 2006 Political Cliche Market Repor...
- A Moral Dilemma of the Gravest Proportions
- Objective Opinions Masquerading as Subjective Fact...
- Shout Out
- And The Grease Stayed On My Fingers Until Lunchtim...
- Why I Don't Listen To Modern Music
- ▼ December (32)
- ► 2005 (287)