Genetically Engineered Foods are so old hat. These days, what everyone is talking about are Splenetically Engineered Foods - they're all the rage!
Asparagus that makes you feel bad about yourself while eating it by telling you how it's going to go "straight to your thighs."
Potato with added pea genes to make it more round, and have a somewhat more palindromical name.
A sausage made from meat designed by vegans. When you eat it, it makes you feel more hungry, not less.
Leeks that grow their own plugs, so they don't lose any of their juice.
Soup for people who don't have any hands. It ladles itself into your mouth.
Pasta containing mince meat designed by angry vegans. The mince meat grows teeth, so that when you bite it, it bites back!
Tomato that takes you back to frightening events in your childhood and talks to you about the Oedipus Complex that you never knew you had.
Soup which sings La Donne E Mobile, The Anvil Chorus, and other operatic hits to you. It may possibly be a member of the Mafia, as well.
Fruit designed by activist carnivores, designed to taste so disgusting that it puts other people off fruit forever. Comes in two flavours: Cranny Smiths, and Long Browns.
Sausage made from meat designed by pacifist vegans. As you slice it, it strikes up a conversation with you and asks you to consider your eating choices.
Mutton that tells you dirty jokes as you are trying to enjoy your meal. If you pour on some gravy to try to drown it out, the conversation just gets saucier.
Clam crossed with lamb. Tastes cold and wet. Popular in communist countries.
Biscuit dip with a bizarre addiction to show tunes and a lisp.
Vegetable that tries to sell you stuff. Back in the 1990s, in the early days of Splenetic Engineering, they tried to make a bogan with environmentalist tendencies by crossing a stick of celery with some guy called Larry they found in Werribee. Instead, they ended up with a vegetable that doubled up as a Used-Car salesman.
A shellfish with hammers instead of claws.
A bird dish that is able to talk to you, albeit only about trivial subjects, like Britney Spears' underwear.
An alcoholic carrot. It can help you see in the dark, but it won't stop you from falling all over the street as you stumble home at night from the vegetable juice bar.
A cucumber with a special talent for solving pub trivia questions.
Sweet tht tries to dissuade you from eating it by administering increasing electric shocks to your palate as you chew. Said to come from a cross-breeding of the cocoa bean and the electric eel.
Tim, your links stink, you fink!
- John Bangsund's Threepenny Planet
- Broken Biro
- Poetry 24
- Superlative scribbles
- Kirstyn McD!
- Rorrim a tsomla almost a mirror
- More Sterne
- Cam the man from the Dan.
- Too hot to Raaaaaaandallllllll!
- Erin's Excellently Everlasting Effervescements!
- Slammy Infamy
- Hail Paco!
- Baron Blandwagon, purveyor of cyberbunnies, hawker of Roger Corman, and Misruler of the Multiverse
- The Bolta. Aiyeeeeee!!!!!
- Bad Apple Audrey
- The cartoon church
- Sir Martinkus
- A Zemblanian abroad and at home
- A hodge podge of hotzeplotz
- THE SLAMMA!
- Jottlesby's nottings, or should that be Nottlesby's jottings?
- The Snarking of the Hunt
- Jazzy Hands
- David of Metal City
- David the Barista
- The Blogger on the Cast Iron Balcony
- Be an Opinion Dominion Minion!
- ... and Fel
- His brilliant career - from whale sushi to crumbed prawn
- Jo Blogs
- Yet another Tim
- Was two peas, now three peas
- ... Still Life - now with extra rotating cats!
- An Amazingly Awesome Australian Ampersand!
- Blink and you'll miss 'er
- Red in the land of the tigers!
- Wire of Vibe
- Chase him, ladies, he's in the cavalry!
- The Non-palindromical Editrix in Germanium
- Old Sterne
- The briefs...
- ... and the brieflets
- The Purple Blog
- Blairville, lair of all that is wicked and perfidious
- The enticingly acronymical CSH
- EXTREEEEEEEME WYNTER!
- Mark of California
- Silent Speaking
- Lexicon the Mexican
- ► 2013 (173)
- ► 2012 (275)
- ► 2011 (261)
- ► 2010 (288)
- ► 2009 (290)
- ► 2008 (316)
- ► 2007 (392)
- 2006 In Books: A Year That Wasn't
- Move Over, Cabbage
- Modern Communication: An Instructive Tale
- A Little About Covers
- Merry Christmas Folks
- A Few Random Notes
- A Word on Carols
- Spin for a Penny, Spin for a Pound
- Road Testing the Presents
- A Saucy Offer
- The Customer Disservice Industry, Now More Deficie...
- Way Too Much Tim On Your Hands
- Sign I May Be Reading Blogs a Little Bit Too Much ...
- A Night in Notes
- A Carol For The Times
- Lest Leaping Dogs, Sly ...
- The Chronological Eccentricities of James Bond Fil...
- A Moral Poem To Bad Little Boys and Girls
- Enter Private Eye, Stage Right, In The Key of E .....
- Misstake Marples
- Splenetically Engineered Food
- A Sort of Response ...
- Not Quite Obsession
- The Labours Of ...
- Brutal is Beautiful
- The Alan Kohler 2006 Political Cliche Market Repor...
- A Moral Dilemma of the Gravest Proportions
- Objective Opinions Masquerading as Subjective Fact...
- Shout Out
- And The Grease Stayed On My Fingers Until Lunchtim...
- Why I Don't Listen To Modern Music
- ▼ December (32)
- ► 2005 (287)