Every country has its traditions. The Americans like to lynch one another and cook hominy. In France, the custom is to throw lots of smelly cheese at politicians and burn the occasional car as a kind of afterthought. In this country, once every year, we have a ceremony known as 'Australia Day'. This roughly translates into the Queen's English as 'The Day of Australia', and it commemorates the occasion at the same time last year when we celebrated Australia Day. On Australia Day, we all like to wave sausages around, get drunk, wrap flags around our torsoes, and gently wrap our genitals in underwear-shaped flags. I saw it all on Today Tonight, so it must be true!
Other common customs during Australia Day include standing around with large groups of other people in parks; saying things about 'Invasion Day' and looking sad; and cheerfully extorting your boss out of large amounts of money on the grounds of 'it's a public holiday, maaaaate'.
As for me, I went mostly for the last option, spending most of my holiday pay on upcoming travel expenses - a beanie, and a bag. Tomorrow, I shall be purchasing myself a Fedora. Because I can.
What did you guys do for Australia Day? The lazier, the better, I reckon!
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