So, bearing in mind my upcoming trip to the other side of the world, I've been trawling the Melbourne haberdashers of late looking for a hat to top my tope and thus shield it from the cold, cold streets of New York. As of yet, my head remains - sadly - hatless. I have received several warnings about the state of my ears by my mother: they could catch frostbite and snap off! You have to wrap up well, Timothy!
In light of my current lack of hats, I've decided to hold an open thread in order to discuss several possibilities for my head:
Option 1: The Bowler Hat
Pros: Bowler Hats are respectable.
Bowler hats are so out of fashion they're in fashion. It's the law of fashion, innit?
Cons: Men who wear bowler hats may suddenly find themselves transmogrified into other dimensions as the butt of a surrealist joke.
Option 2: Wear a false beard, which will cover just as much space as a hat
Pros: I'll blend in with all the beardies easily.
Cons: I could accidentally lop it off in a shaving frenzy.
I don't think the false beard would extend to my ears.
Option 3: Wear a turban.
Pros: It could double up as a towel when I take a shower!
Cons: It would be pretty cold after being out in the winter all day, though, so I don't think I'd want to.
Also, if I had a false beard on that day, people might mistake me for Osama bin Laden.
Option 4: Wear a false mullet in order to appear as a travelling bogan!
Pros: Mullets are so out of fashion, they're in fashion again. See the law of fashion, above.
Cons: Being in fashion is so out of fashion that even though mullets are in fashion again, they're out of fashion again again. It's the circle of life, innit. They would cover my ears nicely, though.
Option 5: Wear a real live mullet on my head as a compromise solution.
Pros: It's original.
Cons: If the mullet is live, I might have to go live in a backpacker's hostel in the Hudson River, which would be cold at that time of year.
As headwear goes, it's pretty fishy.
Option 6: Chop off my ears in order to pre-emptively stave off frostbite.
Pros: If I ever turned into Vincent Van Gogh, I wouldn't have to slice off my ears in a fit of pique.
Cons: I don't ever plan on turning into Vincent Van Gogh.
Tim, your links stink, you fink!
- John Bangsund's Threepenny Planet
- Broken Biro
- Poetry 24
- Superlative scribbles
- Kirstyn McD!
- Rorrim a tsomla almost a mirror
- More Sterne
- Cam the man from the Dan.
- Too hot to Raaaaaaandallllllll!
- Erin's Excellently Everlasting Effervescements!
- Slammy Infamy
- Hail Paco!
- Baron Blandwagon, purveyor of cyberbunnies, hawker of Roger Corman, and Misruler of the Multiverse
- The Bolta. Aiyeeeeee!!!!!
- Bad Apple Audrey
- The cartoon church
- Sir Martinkus
- A Zemblanian abroad and at home
- A hodge podge of hotzeplotz
- THE SLAMMA!
- Jottlesby's nottings, or should that be Nottlesby's jottings?
- The Snarking of the Hunt
- Jazzy Hands
- David of Metal City
- David the Barista
- The Blogger on the Cast Iron Balcony
- Be an Opinion Dominion Minion!
- ... and Fel
- His brilliant career - from whale sushi to crumbed prawn
- Jo Blogs
- Yet another Tim
- Was two peas, now three peas
- ... Still Life - now with extra rotating cats!
- An Amazingly Awesome Australian Ampersand!
- Blink and you'll miss 'er
- Red in the land of the tigers!
- Wire of Vibe
- Chase him, ladies, he's in the cavalry!
- The Non-palindromical Editrix in Germanium
- Old Sterne
- The briefs...
- ... and the brieflets
- The Purple Blog
- Blairville, lair of all that is wicked and perfidious
- The enticingly acronymical CSH
- EXTREEEEEEEME WYNTER!
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- Silent Speaking
- Lexicon the Mexican
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