Saturday, February 03, 2007

Extrapolate! Extrapolate!

Hi! Guess what? Just when you thought you'd had way too much of me to bear on this blog already, what do I go and do but bring out another Zine! I'm a real sod that way!

Yes, that's right - my official Annual Bi-monthly Omnibus, 'Waiter, Would You Please Femme My Fatale', is OUT NOW SOON! It's eighteen pages of unremitting nonsense, including:

The racy! 'Sextra Sensual Perception'

The (not-so) pacy! 'The Customer Disservice Industry, Now More Deficient Than Ever!'

The literary! 'Which is better, James Joyce or a train timetable'?

The poetic! 'If Shakespeare Dropped Acid'

The phonetic! 'On The Grammatical Structure of Non-Existent Words'

Plus, there's a never-before-seen (and probably never-ought-to-be-seen) essay on the development of the movie industry and Mel Brooks' little-known Silent Movie entitled 'Waiter, Would You Please Femme My Fatale'.

Want a copy? Heck, why not!

YES! That sounds almost as exciting as a case of testicular carbuncles, I'LL TAKE TWO! Please send the copies to me, __________ [insert name here], of ________________________ [insert address here], you smooth-talking blogger, you!

NO! Terribly kind of you to offer, old chap, but that sounds less attractive than the prospect of being ravished in the wilds of Siberia by a pack of starving timber-wolves with Downs Syndrome, while I'm wearing extremely unattractive underwear! Please do NOT send a copy through to __________ [insert name here], of ________________________ [insert address here], you sweary-mouthed con-man, you!

There! Now you've finished defacing your computer screen by filling out the form above, why not send me an email to let me know? I can send the zine out to your home address, your work address, or your enemies address (whatever you care to give me). timhtrain at Post away!


nailpolishblues said...

You make me very glad that I don’t have testicles. Still, it reminded me of a conversation some of my colleagues once had about a labial carbuncle and what labia are exactly...

TimT said...

By a curious coincidence, the words 'Labial Carbuncle' rearrange to produce the phrases




So, do you wanna copy?

nailpolishblues said...

By a totally uncurious uncoincidence the people who had said conversation wouldn't understand half those words anyway. How unodd is that?

You're getting quite good at this tarting your wares thing, aren't you? Best make it two copies and another copy of the earlier one if any still exist. The friend I lent the first one to seems to have liked it so well that I've never seen it again.

TimT said...

I do my best. Sadly, the 'tarting my wares' remains largely metaphorical.

nailpolishblues said...

Er, what wares would you like to tart, and where?

Jen said...

Hi. I'd love a copy. I'll be e-mailing you the address of, um, my mother's sister's best friend's dogsitter's house.


St John Nottlesby said...

I do hope that a copy shall be fortwith posted to Nottlesby Manor for my immediate delectation in the smoking lounge of the reading room in the conservatory.

Eh, wot?

TimT said...

Do not be afeard, Nottlesby, I have not forgotten my pledge to thee. A copy has been packaged and will be on its way to your manse as soon as I can wangle the postal officer into accepting it.

&Duck said...

Dunno if yu got back to the relevant big of my blog, but the short answer is YES PLEASE.

The long answer is give me a long-term standing order. I like this sort of stuff.

&Duck said...

... you ... bit ...

[sigh, typing in the dark here]

TimT said...

Erg. I should have replied to that. Rest assured, &duck, that your copy has already been packaged, and shall most likely wend its way to Canberra and environs by Friday evening.

St John Nottlesby said...

Capital stuff, many thanks old boy!

ras said...

YES! That sounds almost as exciting as a case of labial carbuncles, I'LL TAKE THREE! Please send the copies to me, Ras, of Brunswick, you smooth-talking blogger, you!

Email: timhtrain - at -

eXTReMe Tracker

Blog Archive