- Japanese trains are arranged in three classes, depending on how much money you pay: First Class, Worst Class, and Absolutely-Bloody-Awful Class (where you have to sit atop of the train and fight off atttacks by marauding samurai while you wait to get to your destination).
- The capital city of Japan is Tokyo! It's principal exports are fish, steel, Astroboy videos, and magazines about dogs!
- Interestingly, the name 'Tokyo' rearranges to create the name of another famous Japanese city - Ookyt City!* The principle exports of Ookyt City are fish, steel, Astroboy videos, and the 'Michiba Zebra', a rare Japanese breed of zebra that has pink and blue stripes instead of white and black.
I don't know where Ookyt City is, and neither do you!
- In 1967, the Japanese Government were so impressed by a photograph of Mount Fuji they saw in National Geographic magazine that they decided to build one of their own! Completed 10 years later at great expense, it still ranks as one of the most impressive feats of geo-technical engineering ever attempted.
Just to give you an idea, here's the original picture as it appeared in National Geographic:
Fig 1: The original picture
And here is the Mount Fuji that the Japanese Government completed:
Fig 2: The Japanese Mount Fuji
Impressive, isn't it? They're almost identical! However, I feel bound to point out that there is a stone out of place in the second picture.
- You might have great difficult speaking to people in Tokyo City. They kept talking to me in a language I couldn't even understand - it might as well have been Japanese, or something!
- It's well known that Japanese toilets administer push-button enemas after you have done your business. However, a recent toilet design patented by a large Japanese firm actually injects tiny robotic men into your anus, which quickly zero in on specific sectors of your brain and take over your body, a la The Matrix or Robert Heinlein's The Puppet Masters!
Professor Clumbert Ogbers, of Lyman University, predicts that by mid-2060, the cyborgs produced by this Toilet Technology - or the "Astro Men", as he calls it - will TAKE OVER THE WORLD!
- You're probably aware of the famous Japanese film 'Godzilla'. What you probably didn't know is that Godzilla was actually a documentary! That's right: all those films of Gamera biting off the tops of buildings, stomping on cars, and battling with Gamera for the city were real! The real Godzilla retired from his career as terrorist and saviour of Japan in the 1980s, and devoted his time to helping children of poor families by giving them rides. Uncle Gamera now lives in Tokyo, and only bites off the occasional tall tower, when he gets hungry.
- That's all for now! Thank you for patiently bearing with these lies; you will be graded at the end of my holidays!