kidattypewriter

Monday, April 16, 2007

A Scientific Experiment

In order to heal the divisive rift between Cat People (tm) and Dog People (tm), and also to create a species of overwhelming cuteness for use against terrorists, I would like to announce that I have bred together Puppies and Kittens in order to create two new species: Puttens and Kippies.

I have further attempted to cross the bird/mammal rift by crossing the Puttens and Kippies with Goslings and Ducklings, but all I've ended up with so far are a whole bunch of Guppies and one old guy called Kipling who insists on reading me poems about the Raj.

The experiment continues...

14 comments:

alexis said...

But now there'll be Cat People, Dog People, Kippy People and Putten People. What you need to do is interbreed the human people, not the furry ones.

Good luck getting the ethics approval.

TimT said...

Tests have only reached an early stage as of yet, but all indications are that if you cross a Dog Person, a Putten Person and a Kippy Person, you end up with a strange, amorphous entity known as a Pog Kipson.

Ethics approval? I have to get one of those? I hear they're like one of those Centrelink application forms, or something like that.

I'll just send them a Putten to soften them up...

Karen said...

Your devotion to mending the important conflicts in the world does you great credit, but I'm inclined to agree with Alexis on this point. What must be merged is two forms of (human) psychosis and not the animals themselves. Indeed the Puttens and the Kippies may end up like mules as a result, thus compelling you to continue breeding the dogs and the cats for the rest of your life just to stave off a fresh outbreak of hostilities and to find others to continue the work after you are deceased.
As for the war on terror, a friend of mine has a theory that cats (or "little poo factories", as he prefers to call them) should be trained as kamikaze paratroopers. He envisages that the cats would jump out of planes with parachutes and little bombs attached and run into bunkers, where the bombs would explode. This idea upsets me very much.

TimT said...

Indeed the Puttens and the Kippies may end up like mules as a result...

You mean Putten-Mules, aka, PULES? Horrifying!

TimT said...

Of course, in order to ensure lasting results, I will have to make sure that the puttens and kippies don't ever grow up into dats or cogs. Possibly this could be achieved by further tinkering with their genes.

It would also make the puttens and kippies immortal: They Would Be As Gods.

Karen said...

Christ! You're the only truly incorrigible person I've ever not quite met!

karen said...

Similarly horrible things have been done.

They Would Be As Gods.

Ah, now it all comes out! Stuff altruism, this is a scheme for world domination!

TimT said...

Incorrigible! Yes, that's what I've been trying to tell people all along. So much better than being corrigible.

Do you know I read in the paper a similar suggestion about human genetic science, that stem cells could be used to halt/turn back the ageing process in humans?

Humans raiding their stock of unborn children in order to turn cling on to their own lives: it would make a good science fiction story and a horrifying reality.

Karen said...

I've tried to be incorrigible a few times in my life, but I don't seem to have what it takes to pull it off, but that's my problem generally- no one seems to notice when I've told a joke!

Tell me, how many occasions have you had to wear the bow ties since? I always assumed that they just came with the standard-issue penguin suits. The woman in the shop was incorrigible too. Is all of Melbourne incorrigible? I have to say, though, that I'm always very impressed when a man is able to wear a pink shirt, even though I hate pink.

The slogan I got when I went to your very interesting "Tie-land" saga was fantastic too- "If you like Tiramisu, you've come to the wrong place". I think that's been one of my favourites so far.
(I'm procrastinating. Can't you tell?)

Karen said...

Sorry, should have commented about the stem cells, but that would be a very long conversation, I suspect.

TimT said...

It's much, much easier to appear incorrigible when you're veiled by the internet and you have time to work out your responses to the suitable level of incorrigbleness.

Unfortunately I haven't had any opportunity to wear the bow ties at all, since. I practicised in a lacklustre fashion putting the things on (with dreadful results) and greatly surprised myself when in two or three neat folds I got the bow-tie on, just like that.

The best comment on that post is probably the second-last by Tim, the bow-tie man from the USA. Now there's a chap living the bow-tie dream!

alexis said...

Oh, please wear the bow ties! You owe it to your Tory proclivities. Every good old school conservative should dress the part.

Karen said...

I refuse to believe that the Oedpial Clown, lead singer of Sigmund and the Scholmos, does not retain a fair modicum of incorrigibleness in real life.

Next time I'm down south I will make it a condition of my buying you a drink that you wear at least one of the bow ties.

TimT said...

Hey, I'll take any excuse to wear a bow-tie. Or get a free drink!

Email: timhtrain - at - yahoo.com.au

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