In a breaking story that is guaranteed not to be broken elsewhere, I can reveal that the Mouse Mouse is only one in a planned series of new items!
The Verbal Tic - not only does this marvellous parasite suck your blood and inject paralysing toxins into your nerves, it will also recite Does this shop stock silk socks with spots?, The boy stood on the burning deck, and Lycurgus of Sparta's speeches, (complete, unabridged and in the original Greek) when asked.
Slightly Venomous Door Snake - this highly-trained piece of innocuous furniture will keep the cold draughts out at night as well as attack unwanted visitors/flatmates upon your order!
Gay Poof - a beanbag chair that will criticise your shoes, admire the inner decor of your flat, has a secret fetish for purple wall-lining, and would just loooove to talk about the men in your life, daaaaaaarling.
Couch-Potato Couches - Seats that won't let you sit down in them because they're too busy lying down in themselves and watching Couch Football shows on the television. You'll block the view, man.
Armed Armchair - Armchairs that are into weapons training and members of local paramilitary organisation.
Frigid Fridge - It doesn't want to store your food tonight. It's not sure whether it will store your food tomorrow night. It doesn't want to talk about it. It washed its hair. It has a headache. Why don't you ever talk to it? It's the frigid fridge!
Spooning Spoons - As soon as you shut the kitchen drawer on these spoons, they take all their clothes off and start cuddling!
Smoke Alarm Alert - Now you can be alarmed in advance by this handy alert! Just before you Smoke Alarm starts squawking for no reason at all, the Smoke Alarm Alert will alert you to the alarm you are about to experience! Also, why not purchase our Smoke Alarm Alert Alarm, our Smoke Alarm Alert Alarm Alarm, and our Smoke Alarm Alert Alarm Alarm Alarm. They are guaranteed to give 24-hour alert and alarm coverage to the alarm you are about to feel (or at least, would be about to feel if you weren't already feeling it) by the coming alarm!
You need never be unalarmed again!
Toilet Sausage Roll Holder - Essential for all carnivores, omnivores, or sausagevores sitting on the toilet, the Toilet Sausage Roll Holder caters to that when you're sitting on the toilet and discover that you're hungry. Satisfy your disgusting cravings straight away with the Toilet Sausage Roll Holder!