David Cameron has defended his call for more understanding of why young people commit crime - and rejected suggestions he wants people to "hug a hoodie". - BBC News.
A City Out Of Control
LONDON, SATURDAY - Citizens have been complaining in increasing numbers about gangs of rampaging Tories roaming the parks, looking for hoodies to hug.
Things have got so bad that the hoodies have been fleeing from their natural habitats, the parks, and are staying at home, leaving the Tories to gang up on ordinary citizens.
"I was just on my way to work" sobs one, "when I was confronted by a bunch of overaffectionate Tories who demanded in the nicest way possible that would it be alright, really, if they all gave me a hug? And then they insisted I have a cup of tea with them, if I really didn't mind! It was terrible!"
Meanwhile, the Amalgamated Hoodies' Union of Greater London and Surrounding Counties has petitioned the City of London to do something about the growing Tory problem so they can return to their normal crime-abiding ways.
Angry Scenes in Parliament
Tories have been confronted by Labor in Parliament over their controversial "hug a hoodie" policy.
"What's wrong with hugging a hoodie?" says one Tory Minister. "I mean, really. They're soft and cuddly and oh so lovely. I bet Mr Blair never got hugged when he was a kid. That's his problem."
However, a rival faction of Tories, led by former Spectator editor Boris Johnson, have claimed that Cameron's hoodie speech has been 'misinterpreted'.
"He really meant to say we should kiss a hoodie." said Johnson in a statement to the media.
Hoodies Break Down
Meanwhile, several hoodies, unable to take the new Tory hugging policy, have broken down already, causing widespread social concern.
"I just want things to go back to the way before!" sobs one hoodie. "I mean, they'd lash at us with their riding crops, we'd smash them in the face with broken bottles, they'd call us scum and dogs, we'd call them c*ts - things were so much easier then!"
A deputation of Labor supporters, concerned for the hoodies welfare, have promised to step in and lash the hoodies with riding crops and whips. However, they have called for a new social agency to be set up to provide this vital service to hoodies.
Tim, your links stink, you fink!
- John Bangsund's Threepenny Planet
- Broken Biro
- Poetry 24
- Superlative scribbles
- Kirstyn McD!
- Rorrim a tsomla almost a mirror
- More Sterne
- Cam the man from the Dan.
- Too hot to Raaaaaaandallllllll!
- Erin's Excellently Everlasting Effervescements!
- Slammy Infamy
- Hail Paco!
- Baron Blandwagon, purveyor of cyberbunnies, hawker of Roger Corman, and Misruler of the Multiverse
- The Bolta. Aiyeeeeee!!!!!
- Bad Apple Audrey
- The cartoon church
- Sir Martinkus
- A Zemblanian abroad and at home
- A hodge podge of hotzeplotz
- THE SLAMMA!
- Jottlesby's nottings, or should that be Nottlesby's jottings?
- The Snarking of the Hunt
- Jazzy Hands
- David of Metal City
- David the Barista
- The Blogger on the Cast Iron Balcony
- Be an Opinion Dominion Minion!
- ... and Fel
- His brilliant career - from whale sushi to crumbed prawn
- Jo Blogs
- Yet another Tim
- Was two peas, now three peas
- ... Still Life - now with extra rotating cats!
- An Amazingly Awesome Australian Ampersand!
- Blink and you'll miss 'er
- Red in the land of the tigers!
- Wire of Vibe
- Chase him, ladies, he's in the cavalry!
- The Non-palindromical Editrix in Germanium
- Old Sterne
- The briefs...
- ... and the brieflets
- The Purple Blog
- Blairville, lair of all that is wicked and perfidious
- The enticingly acronymical CSH
- EXTREEEEEEEME WYNTER!
- Mark of California
- Silent Speaking
- Lexicon the Mexican
- ► 2014 (98)
- ► 2013 (173)
- ► 2012 (275)
- ► 2011 (261)
- ► 2010 (288)
- ► 2009 (290)
- ► 2008 (316)
- The Rants Pants
- A Suggested Cultural Activity
- How to not quite quit
- The Scent of Wet Office Worker
- Underpants of Mystery
- A provocative question
- A Meditation on Human Failings
- Teen Squeam
- A pointless post, in points
- Bottoms! Bottoms! Bottoms! Bottoms! Bottoms! Botto...
- Fat is unpatriotic
- The Weekly Fop #2: Duck Fops!
- Any Tense You've Got
- Fashion! Religion! Bad puns!
- Extra! Extra!
- Review: Jonathan Strange and Mr Norrell
- History Segment!
- They Don't Write Books Like They Used To...
- The Weekly Fop #1: Cerealism
- Please Do Not Apply
- An Announcement...
- An Afterthought...
- Too Twee for Two
- If Magazine Subscribers Were Like Football Fanatic...
- For my next trick...
- Tennis? It's All A Load of Balls, Really...
- Six Word Phrases You May Not Want To Hear
- Tales From Earthsea
- A Band Called Rubber
- Postmodernism Explained
- All About Cows
- The Daily Tele Graph
- ▼ June (33)
- ► 2006 (373)
- ► 2005 (287)