kidattypewriter

Saturday, June 30, 2007

A Suggested Cultural Activity

No 437: The Jane Austen Breeding Group




Dear Jane, Jane, Jane, Jane, Jane, Jane, Jane, Jane, Jane, Jane, Jane, Jane, Jane, Jane, Jane, Jane, Jane, Jane, Jane, Jane, Jane, Jane, Jane, Jane, Jane, Jane, Jane, Jane, Jane, Jane, Jane, Jane, Jane, Jane, Jane, Jane, Jane, Jane, Jane, Jane, Jane, Jane, Jane, Jane, Jane, Jane, Jane, Jane, Jane, Jane, Jane, Jane, Jane, Jane, Jane, Jane, Jane, Jane, Jane, Jane, Jane, Jane, Jane, Jane, Jane, Jane, Jane, Jane, Jane, Jane, Jane, Jane, Jane, Jane, Jane, Jane, Jane, Jane, Jane, Jane, Jane, Jane, Jane, Jane, Jane, Jane, Jane, Jane, Jane, Jane, Jane, Jane, Jane, Jane, Jane, Jane, Jane, Jane, Jane, Jane, Jane, Jane, Jane, Jane, Jane, Jane, Jane, Jane, Jane, Jane, Jane, Jane, Jane, Jane, Jane, Jane, Jane, Jane, Jane, Jane, Jane, Jane, Jane, Jane, Jane, Jane, Jane, Jane, Jane, Jane, Jane, Jane, Jane, Jane, Jane, Jane, Jane, Jane, Jane, Jane, Jane, Jane, Jane, Jane, Jane, Jane, Jane, Jane, Jane, Jane, Jane, Jane, Jane, Jane, Jane, Jane, Jane, Jane, Jane, Jane, Jane, Jane, Jane, Jane, Jane, Jane, Jane, Jane, Jane, Jane, Jane, Jane, Jane, Jane, Jane, Jane, Jane, Jane, Jane, Jane, Jane, Jane, Jane, Jane, Jane, Jane, Jane, Jane, Jane, Jane, Jane, Jane, Jane, Jane, Jane, Jane, Jane, Jane, Jane, Jane, Jane, Jane, Jane, Jane, Jane, Jane, Jane, not to mention Jane and Jane and Jane and Jane and Jane and Jane and Jane and Jane and Jane and Jane and Jane and Jane and Jane and Jane and Jane and Jane and Jane and Jane and Jane and Jane and Jane and Jane and Jane and Jane and as well as Jane and of course Jane and of course Jane and of course Jane and of course Jane and of course Jane and of course Jane and of course Jane and of course Jane and of course Jane and of course Jane and of course Jane and of course Jane and of course Jane and of course and last but not least, little Jane (happy birthday!),

How are you all? The weather is quite pleasant here. Jane, Jane, Jane, Jane, Jane, Jane, Jane, Jane, Jane, Jane, Jane, Jane, Jane, Jane, Jane, Jane, Jane, Jane, and Jane are currently engaged in writing a Novel, and we are all very proud of her. Tomorrow - how Very exciting! - Jane, Jane, Jane, Jane, Jane, Jane, Jane, Jane, Jane, Jane, Jane, Jane, Jane, Jane, Jane, Jane, Jane, and myself will visit Bath.

Plans for world domination go well,
Wish you were here,
Jane Austen.

39 comments:

Karen said...

You haven't even begun to hit the hard stuff, my friend. What you need is an army of cats, all named after characters in Austen novels...

TimT said...

Mr Dashwood! Put that mouse down at once! Miss Woodhouse! Do it in the litter! Miss Price! Cough up that fur ball this instant!

Yep, sounds like fun.

nailpolishblues said...

An army of cats would do what exactly?

I am having visions of Jane Austen Cybermen. Yeah, thanks.

Karen said...

An army of cats can do plenty! Their litter trays alone would be enough to repulse any enemy. And, well, I just like the idea.

It is fun giving animals names like that, isn't it? The only thing more fun is to name a dog or cat after a famous person or historical figure. On a related note, as a child I named my dolls after my kindergarten teachers, possibly out of guilt for making one of them cry (I was a handful in early childhood). My grandfather had this glorious little terrier called, of all names, Timmy. There was a highly amusing little scene one day when Timmy managed to pinch one of the dolls and my sisters and I ran around screaming "Grandad, Timmy's got Miss Russell!", much to his confusion.

TimT said...

Incidentally, I think I failed to mention a couple of Janes in the letter above.

Anyhoo, so we were going to create a race of Jane-Austen-Cybermen-Cat-Dogs-Called-Timmy? That sounds like it might work.

nailpolishblues said...

See Ms Fits' recent post about Bob Ellis. Altogether a very funny thing.

Timmy as terrier - well, that works for me.

TimT said...

Yeah, I'll pay that. I don't know about the post below that one, though.

I heard Fitsy on the Conversation Hour once - in my case, that sort of thing is an occupational hazard: it was her and Jon Faine. Talking about Fahrenheit 451, I think. Faine came across as the most ridiculously snobbish, sanctimonious prick ever.

If I were Fitsy, I'd use every excuse in the book to avoid an interview with Faine.

nailpolishblues said...

You stretch my memory too far. I only remembered the Bob Ellis post because I read it last night and because she sounded almost exactly like various family members of mine when something happens to one of the animals. Though I rather thought that vet bill was quite amateurish - anything under a $1000 is a little lame these days.

nailpolishblues said...

I see what you mean. The lol catz thing. I'd kinda wondered if someone would do that as the thought had occurred to me (though I must say my captions were better).

You do realise that I had to google Jon Faine, don't you? Alas, I am still not much wiser.

Caz said...

Domestic cats are vile, dirty, irritating, whiny, things.

Domestic cats should be banned.

There's a reason why people make jokes about "cat ladies", and why they avoid women who keep photos of their cats on their desk at work. (Oh, yes, do put up a neon sign that you are SINGLE and CHILDLESS, but really fulfilled because you own a mangy fucking cat, you LOSER.)

nailpolishblues said...

So you're a fan then, Caz?

Caz said...

Oh good, I thought I might have been too subtle Nails.

Love the big cats though, magnificent creatures.

nailpolishblues said...

I'm quite fond of them too though I hear their litter trays are a real bitch.

Subtle? Um...

thinblueline said...

I think he is sniffing anvils.

TimT said...

Thin Blue Line is rather cryptically referring to a joke I made at Harry Hutton's place yesterday.

For the record, Jon Faine usually does boring political interviews. He started life as a lawyer and the pedanticism seems not to have left him in his later life; it doesn't translate well to 'The Conversation Hour' which is more about arts and culture. Almost everyone who listens to Melbourne radio seems to dislike him.

Caz said...

On no Nails, you've heard wrong (hey, it happens).

Their litter trays are no bother at all; they never let anyone near enough to smell or attempt to empty the tray. Which works out quite well, all things considered.

Steve said...

Oh, while we are the subject of broadcasters, and as I think all of you lot are well and truly on the other side of the Queensland/rest of Australia border, did you know that Richard Fidler (ex Doug Anthony Allstar, etc) has been on local ABC radio in Brisbane for a couple of years now? He does a normal afternoon shift, and also a separate "conversation hour", and I thought it might appear elsewhere in Australia, because he is a really good interviewer. But it seems Jon Faine has the gig in Melbourne. He seems to have been there forever. I could swear he was there in the later 1980's when I lived for 8 months in Melbourne.

Oh - checking the ABC website, it seems Fidler's version goes to air in New South Wales too. Your loss, Melbourne.

nailpolishblues said...

I don't mind Richard Filder [his hair, though, gives me the giggles], I might check that out. Thanks, Steve.

Ah, Caz, I hear such a lot of crap - especially around here ;)

Karen said...

I don't quite understand why Bob Ellis suddenly came up, but an army of robotic Bob Ellises would certainly be a curious sight.

Vet bills are so generally so expensive because the drugs are so expensive and are not subsidised in any way. Vets earn very average incomes. Indeed, the starting salary is often well below $40K (and after a five-year degree). A vet clinic a woman I know set up recently is struggling to break even.

As I don't consider breeding to be my sole purpose in life or my ovaries to be the sum total of my worth as a human being, I'll put up a neon sign saying I'm single and childless any time.

TimT said...

Here is Bob Ellis. Ms Fits apparently hates him for some reason, which may or may not explain why she displaces the name upon... well, probably best to read the post.

nailpolishblues said...

I thought she named the dog out of fondness?

Thank you for your quite unnecessary lecture on veterinary practices, Karen. You'll find that the pathology also costs an absolute bomb. I am also aware of how little vets earn and how much they pay for their degrees.
The joke I was making had to do with the almost revolting sums that members of my family pay to fix their pets. Which is not to say that I disagree with it, it was a joke - albeit a poor one.

Caz said...

Oh, darn it!

As a cranky old radical feminist, I was soooooooo hoping to convert other women into believing that they are the sum total of their ovaries.

I really must hire better PR people if my evil plan is to come to fruition, not to mention fecundity, and the cessation of domestic cat ownership.

nailpolishblues said...

The sum total of my ovaries is painful and cranky...oh no, I'm painful and cranky too!!!!

Aw, Caz, I'm quite fond of cats - they're not evil (even as domestic pets, though they should be kept indoors and away from the little birds and the more chewable native animals). I do agree with you about the pictures on desks etc etc - I'd extend that to all pictures - I really hate pictures in work spaces (I don't need to see anyone's ugly family/pet).

And yes, I am defensive because I am so going to be an old cat lady - a friend even has spare doilies for me to decorate my manky flat with.

nailpolishblues said...

I'm rather fond of Bob Ellis. I'm rather fond of anyone who appears to be totally shitfaced when they are, in fact, stone cold sober. It's an art. Also, much like Ms Fits, I like his way with words.

But I don't see why you linked the cat thing, Tim.

TimT said...

Grrrrrr! This is ridiculous! I'm going to indulge in a spot of self-censoring.

TimT said...

Here.

nailpolishblues said...

Yeah, thanks for making ME LOOK CRAZY!

TimT said...

I'm happy to assume the mantle of craziness myself. This thread seems to have gone off in several directions.

Should any cats be reading, no disrespect intended; should Bob Ellis be reading, no respect intended... etc, etc, etc.

Karen said...

Nails,

There was no offence intended in my comment, which was simply a comment and not a lecture. I'm sorry if you took it that way, although I can't quite see how it could have come across so badly.

Tim,

Best of luck with the blog and all that you do in the future. I've enjoyed our conversations.

Caz said...

I have a large collection of doilies, some dating back from my great great grandmother.

They all sit together in a cupboard, clean, starched and ironed.

TimT said...

Karen, I hope you'll stick around, but if not, why not shoot me an email, maybe next time you come down Melbourne? timhtrain at yahoo.com.au.

TimT said...

Also, it's at times like this that people are supposed to start talking about comments policies, but I generally leave that up to political blogs. Thank God I'm not one of those.

Seriously Karen, I'm sorry if you were offended.

THE END

nailpolishblues said...

Please, talk about comment policies...

nailpolishblues said...

Do you know what, if I'm so goddamn constantly offensive then I'll make an attempt to stay away. I don't have any desire to participate in any childish blogger crap. Thanks for putting your decision on a single comment of mine, Karen - very classy. You'll forgive me if I neither apologise nor beg you back. I don't quite seem to be in the mood.

Had there been another way of contacting you I would have chosen that rather than this. As this make me look several kinds of pathetic bitch and well, true as it may be, it isn't my favourite way of appearing to the world.

Feel free to delete this and any of my comments, Tim.

Caz said...

The problem, as I construe it, is that Karen has assumed, quite falsely, that a blog is a space in which she can hold private conversations and develop a relationship of some sort with the blog host. This is a gross failure in the understanding of both the Internet and the blogosphere.

Acting in a proprietary manner on another person’s blog, wherein there is a wide and fruity pre-existing audience is certainly discourteous. (Although I don’t see how anyone could capture that in a "comments policy", nor would it be necessary, since it’s an extremely rare occurrence. Most people have a good grasp of the nature of the medium).

Having taken such a high-handed proprietary manner in a public space, then oft prone to trying to impose 1860’s decorum on the rest of the long standing motley crew is offensive and childish.

However, perhaps Nails has the clearer view on this, and the rest of us should rack-off and leave you two it.

Karen said...

Nails,

This is *NOT* based on your comment or any comment you have made in the past. I realise that the juxtaposition suggests that. Your comment really didn't offend me especially- I was puzzled, more than anything.

See how terrible the internet is-it gets people into all sorts of arguments and misunderstandings.

Anyway, I'm not sticking around, I'm afraid. I've been uncomfortable for a while and I've toyed with breaking off a few times. I really should have just left (I would have avoided this further misunderstanding that way), but I wanted to let Tim know that it wasn't because I was angry or offended by him. That's all I meant by writing that. I do not want to go into the reasons why publicly, which probably have more to do with me than anything else.

Caz said...

Blogs are a flippant and disposable medium Karen, wherein people interact in a lively manner about a million different things, without it impinging ion their thoughts, lives, or well being.

If you think blogs and blog comments are something else, that is your error, and may explain why you have developed a personal framework of interpretation and lent it meaning that is entirely unsuited to the medium or the participants.

nailpolishblues said...

Oh my god, Caz, I think I love you! Thank you for saying everything I've been thinking for quite a while.

Karen, sorry, but you do lecture. And you assume everyone else is stupid which is quite insulting. And, quite frankly, I think your juxtaposition was deliberate. Please lose the faux naivety and be a bit honest about it, yeah?

Shall we rack off now Caz?

TimT said...

Yes, well, it takes two to tango, and I've occasionally taken blog comments and conversations more seriously than I should have. I generally enjoy everyone's comments, but perhaps we should leave this one here.

Email: timhtrain - at - yahoo.com.au

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