Sunday, July 22, 2007

Craptacular in Technicolour

Premonition is a splendiferous piece of flapdoodle about a woman who is told one day that her husband is dead and then finds out the day after that that he is alive. On the following day she goes to his funeral and then the day after that he's alive again in her house. Then she goes kind of nuts and a doctor named Roth takes her to hospital and puts a needle in her arm and then she wakes up again in her house to find that it's four days before and she sends off her husband to the park while she goes to the church to have a chat to the local priest, (an unassuming man with a slaphead and a voice like a Disney film narrator) about 'unexplained phenomenon'. There's also some shit in there about a falling telegraph pole and an accident with a glass door and her husband having an affair with someone or other at work, but frankly, I drifted off during a lot of that.

I quite like films like Premonition, they're unpretentious and unassuming little thrillers about nothing much from the studios of someoneorother, and they fill up the Sunday evening quite nicely. But can you imagine what it would be like actually living your life like this? Say, if all 24 hours of your day happened in a mixed up order? You'd put the pie in the oven at 5.00 just one hour after finishing it off with friends at 7.00 and you'd only pull it out of the oven to cool off one hour before you got out of bed in the morning, and you'd end up getting confused and eating breakfast at the end of the day at a time when you're supposed to be driving down to the supermarket and buying the groceries for lunch. You'd be frankly too confused to go through all of that ludicrous melodrama that Sandra Bullock goes through in this film.

In conclusion, I think the lesson to be drawn from Premonition is quite clear, and is either one of three things:

a) Hold on to your loved ones because you're not sure when they're going to die and you can't stop them a day before you see that they're alive even though you still think they're dead;

b) Doctors with beards are not to be trusted, but slaphead priests are pretty cool, man;

c) It's okay if you don't have faith, because you have to fight to have faith in whatever you should have faith in but oh my God, watch out for that truck!

But she never forgot that whacky week back in 2007, when the days were all screwed up and her husband walked home one day after having died. The end.


nailpolishblues said...

You know, you could have bought beer with that money. Just saying.

TimT said...

But then I wouldn't have been able to say it was a 'splendiferous piece of flapdoodle' and a 'craptacular in technicolour', would I? It's not much, but it's all I've got.

nailpolishblues said...

I dunno, I've met with 'craptacular in technicolour' and 'splendiferous pieces of flapdoodle' after a few drinks. Not recently though.

TimT said...

Surely you mean 'technicolour yawn', although I'm not sure about the splendiferous flapdoodle' bit.

Flapdoodle is a marvellous word. Heard it from Tom Baker on the original Dr Who. Use it once, use it often, I think.

nailpolishblues said...

I choose not to elaborate.

audrey said...

Oh my god, this film was the worst. I quite like Sandra B but this film was a complete dud. What was the point?

Flapdoodle is indeed a masterful word however.

TimT said...

No point, and no script to speak of, and the plot was pretty much 'Oh my God! He's dead! He's not dead! He's going to be dead! He's dead!' Kind of obvious, but still fun. It kind of reminded me of 'Tales from the Crypt', though they did more in a quarter of the time. (They're great in the original comic book format, if you can get them.)

Steve said...

Tim, you should start asking your readers what films we want you to see and review. You keep picking ones which we have already worked out were duds from watching At the Movies!

Give over control of your life to us. We know what's good for you.

TimT said...

You're sounding particularly authoritarian today. What, have you signed over to the communist party, or something?

Steve said...

Hey, you didn't support me in my criticism of Nandos over at Catallaxy, so I want to re-program you.

Steve said...

Actually, I want to a priest in the days when they could control their congregation's lives. (Just kidding..hahaha..sort of.)

TimT said...

This sort of priest?

I'm not sure how much I should get into arguments at Catallaxy. They have a very *sophisticated* argument style, and I'm not sure whether I'm up to their elite intellectual level... (/sarcasm)

No, I do enjoy Catallaxy very much, but it's hilarious when they start squabbling amongst themselves.

Caz said...

Steve - FWIW - totally agreed with your Nandos comments.

Are those people really so insular, so cosseted in their clean little worlds? (Oh, yes, I know, I know, they think they're so liberal and worldly. What a small joke that is.)

The ad is a perverse juxtaposition.

More than 60% of strip club / dancers can expect to be sexually assaulted, and a greater number abused, or physically assaulted.

No amount of money is sufficiently "empowering" to compensate for that damage.

The confidence & creativity (mentioned on the thread) more often than not stem directly from heavy use of illicit drugs. (Ooops, there goes that "empowering" money.)

Mum coming home from her pole dancing job looking fresh as a daisy, as if she just came from an office job, is improbable.

Let's think back a few weeks to the Melb CBD shooting. The stripper who was bashed prior to the shooting was with her "boss" after work, in another club, that is, not the club she worked at, doing a random strip for him.

I'm trying to think back to the last job I had where my manager expected me to go off visiting other offices with him, after I had finished work, and whip up a little extra policy or two (with or without my clothes on).

Nup, nothing coming to me, nothing at all.

Apart from that, the ad is dumb. It's supposed to be funny and isn't. It's distasteful and creepy.

Anyone who believes that women are "empowered" by performing naked for men, or "empowered" by their high pay, has no idea how dangerous and degrading the industry is; presenting it any other way is a gross deception. Yes, even women deceive themselves in that regard.

audrey said...

Caz, I agree. I wrote to the Advertising Standards Bureau (along with about 200 other people) complaining about that ad. A few weeks later, I received the most ridiculous letter explaining that the Board had decided that the ad contained no offense, and that it in fact promoted strong images of females because stripping is now considered to be empowering. It was such a load of rubbish, and if it wasn't so infuriating it would be funny.

Meanwhile, they cancel the Bank SA ad with the shopkeeper beating up the bunny because it promoted violence. AFTER ONE COMPLAINT.

Violence against women doesn't just constitute punching them (which is precisely why I am so gung-ho about the Matthew Newton thing - the whole violence against women thing often ignores the many varying guises that violence comes in. Because Brooke wasn't disfigured, she's somehow okay and this makes his crime somehow less despite the intention to hurt in the first place.)

nailpolishblues said...


I second Steve.

Also, do you people live on the internet?

Steve said...

Thank you ladies; this is one of the areas where my catholic inspired social conservatism coincides with feminist concerns. Can't I persuade you to now take that step further and accept that sex outside of marriage is wrong wrong wrong!


audrey said...

It is a modern day curse nails. Like the plague.

Caz said...

Nails - I only popped over to Catallaxy to see if I could find the relevant thread and read Steve's comments, which took about three seconds, roughly my tolerance limit for searching for stuff.

Have less and less time for blogs, alas, feel that I'm forever out of the loop.

A gal has to work and do stuff. Life wasn't meant to be blogging.

nailpolishblues said...

And doom me to a totally sex-free life? I think not, Steve! Oh wait...

I'm just jealous, Audrey. Work took my internet away. It doesn't make me work any harder and I am now forced to draw little pictures to while away the long and painfully dreary hours. Bastards!

Caz, it was, it was!!! And boozing and eating chocolate frogs.

Steve said...

Oh, by the way, I will continue hijacking the thread by asking your reaction to the Sam di Brito column in the SMH today arguing that his use of a prostitute was more "honest" than lying to a woman about her charms to get her into bed.

I find this a bit tricky in a way, as even a conservative like me doesn't like to sound too much of a sanctimonious prig by arguing that prostitution is the most disgraceful activity in the world. I can kind of see his point.

On the other hand, I get irritated by self serving arguments that seek to give a moral imprimatur to the active support of a "profession" that is fundamentally degrading and virtually no woman would choose to be in if it were not for it being a relatively easy way to make money.

Maybe my problem with his argument is that I doubt it is legitimate to try to compare the two types of "hurt" to the women involved. Just avoid both types of harm and be done with.

His column was here:

nailpolishblues said...

Can we go back to the light and fluffy now? Anybody? Anybody?

TimT said...

Skel had an amusing take on the Sam de Brito column today.

Don't knnow about the light and fluffy. Thanks to Caz, I've just become dictator of a 'Timocracy.' Well, no - technically, to do that, I would have to be all rich and stuff. Still, a fellow's got to dream.

Nails, I notice you had a post on Nottlesbys inquiring after the availability of certain Buffoons: I shall be doing a post overflowing with Buffoons, probably tomorrow.

nailpolishblues said...

Package one up and send it my way; I've had enough of work! On second thought, I think I'll wait until I've read that post.

P.S. D'you think that might've undermined any and all feminist principles on offer? Oh well.


TimT said...


nailpolishblues said...

How terrifying.

St John Nottlesby said...

Do we get uniforms and marching bands and special songs in your Timocracy? Maybe you could make a clause in your Constitution condemning wealthy Buffoons to live in specially-built Colonies while the poor-but-whimsical get the protection of your mighty army, and houses within the city walls.

Steve said...

Thanks for the link about de Brito. I agree with many of the comments there, and was probably too soft when I indicated I could "sort of" see his point.

You know what I think is pretty insidious? The continue revival over the decades of the prostitute with a heart of gold story.

I suppose I don't mind it if it has an unhappy ending ("Sweet Charity" comes to mind.) But it really bugged me that "Pretty Girl" was such a success. Apart from being incredibly lightweight, I hated the thought that it stood a chance of convincing even one country girl that she could move to the city and maybe mean the rich handsome man of her dreams via prostitution.

Steve said...

That should have been "meet" the man of her dreams.

I have made this point to many people over the years, and can't recall anyone ever agreeing with me. (You know, oh it was just a fun movie, sort of response.)

Steve said...

Oh, and it was "Pretty Woman". I am trying to post in a hurry, sorry.

Steve said...

Now I will add another post just to annoy other readers by making it like a never ending conversation with myself.

Caz said...

Steve - you're not on your own, believe me.

"Pretty Woman" is one of the most morally repugnant popular films ever made. There's nothing "fun" about it. It's pure excrement.

But then consider, in Oz "Murial's Wedding" frequently tops the "best and funniest" Oz film ever made. The Mum in the film commits suicide and Murial takes one last glance at her hideous siblings and father before hiking it the hell out of there to a new fabulous life, with no regrets and nary a thought to a dead Mum. Yeah, that's hilarious. What a hoot. I've always thought it was a dark and nasty little film (notwithstanding the odd funny scene). But this is what passes for fun, light, entertainment too.

Haven't had chance to read the articles you and Tim have linked to.

Steve said...

Caz, I agree with you about Muriel's Wedding too. Where were you during the dinner parties I went to in the 80's and 90's?

Mitzy G Burger said...

So much depends upon the pie being taken out of the oven at exactly the right moment.

nailpolishblues said...

I've always considered Muriel’s Wedding to be, essentially, a tragedy. Social commentary hidden under fluff. I see Priscilla etc etc in much the same way. Quite dark at the heart. Quite a lot of Australian movies are like that.

audrey said...

I agree with nails re Muriel's Wedding. I think it's remarkably sad and full of desparation. I don't think it's a nasty film at all.

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