kidattypewriter

Monday, July 09, 2007

In the Offices of Power

(Will Type For Food brings you this dramatic scene from within the offices of The Guardian.)

SCENE:

The office of the editor of the Guardian. The judicious eye of the Editor is being cast over the latest piece for the blogs, a small whinge by Howard Barker about public funding for his unpopular theatre company being cut. The words 'washed out Stalinist bureaucracy' are used.


EDITOR: Hmmm. Won't be needing this!

Editor picks up a large sheaf of papers titled 'Intelligence', and throws them into the bin.

The editor next turns to a rant by Richard Flanagan about Australian Government policy in the Northern Territory, cheerfully deploying adjectives such as 'draconian', 'racist', etc, before finally, in an excess of generosity, imputing the same reaction to the Australian media, even though they have been somewhat reluctant to use the phrases themselves.


EDITOR: Well. I've been wanting to do this for a while.

Picks up a disorganised sheaf of papers titled 'Accuracy and Truthfulness', and tips it into the paper shredder.

The editor turns next to the current piece by Anas Alkatiri lauding terrorist-group-come-government Hamas for the release of English journalist Alan Johnston from a hostage situation.
After considering it for a few seconds, Editor turns to several documents entitled, in turn 'Integrity', 'Fairness', 'Balance', 'Morality', etc.


EDITOR: At last! I've been needing to clean this place up!

Proceeds to set all of the documents on fire, feed their ashes through the shredder, and throw the scraps in the bin, pouring water on them, and mixing them up with a shovel into a uniform gray mulch, before feeding them to a bunch of kittens he keeps in the cupboard.

Just then, the Reviews Editor sticks their head through the door.


REVIEWS EDITOR: Actually, E., ever since we published a piece in the 60s favouring Chairman Mao, we pretty much haven't had to worry about any of those things.

BOTH: Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.

Long pause.

EDITOR: You're fired.

END

5 comments:

TimT said...

Cheerfully stolen from here, although since it was initially a comment made by me at Steve's, I'm not sure whether I need to admit to plagiarism or not.

nailpolishblues said...

So I may have read that before? Confusing.

TimT said...

Maybe I should sue myself, but not if he does first.

Steve said...

Tim, please advise of your home and work address immediately, together with your phone number, Master/ Visa Card and details of all bank account currently in credit, so that my lawyer does not have to go to the trouble of starting court action to get this information.

(Don't blame me; my solicitor is formerly from Nigeria and said I needed to get this.)

TimT said...

We can both take out a class action against myself.

Email: timhtrain - at - yahoo.com.au

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