kidattypewriter

Tuesday, July 10, 2007

Jane Austen gets saucy

“I remember, when we first knew her in Hertfordshire, how amazed we all were to find that she was a reputed beauty; and I particularly recollect your saying one night, after they had been dining at Netherfield, ‘SHE a beauty! — I should as soon call her mother a wit.’ But afterwards she seemed to improve on you, and I believe you thought her rather pretty at one time.”

“Yes,” replied Darcy, who could contain himself no longer, “but THAT was only when I first saw her, for it is many months since I have considered her as one of the handsomest women of my acquaintance.”

He then went away, and Miss Bingley was left to all the satisfaction of having forced him to say what gave no one any pain but herself.

Mrs. Gardiner and Elizabeth talked of all that had occurred during their visit, as they returned, except what had particularly interested them both. The look and behaviour of everybody they had seen were discussed, except of the person who had mostly engaged their attention. They talked of his sister, his friends, his house, his fruit — of everything but himself; yet Elizabeth was longing to know what Mrs. Gardiner thought of him, and Mrs. Gardiner would have been highly gratified by her niece’s beginning the subject....


Oh, go on. Don't tell me it's not there.

UPDATE! - Added the preceding two paragraphs to give people a bit more context.

28 comments:

nailpolishblues said...

Oh for the love of god...you're projecting, seriously. Let it go.

TimT said...

No way. It's right there, in the text! It's the literary equivalent of the wet shirt scene in the telemovie.

nailpolishblues said...

Really, it's not. You need to watch that scene more. In slow motion. There can be no literary equivalent.

I am now in the almost completely unique [for me] position of very badly wanting to say something and being too damn polite to do so. Five bucks and ginger cake to anyone who says what I'm thinking.

alexis said...

Jane Austen fanfic is almost entirely tripe, but you might enjoy Pride and Promiscuity: the lost sex scenes of Jane Austen. Not much fruit, as far as I can recall, but quite a bit of rolling around on hillsides. (If you want really saucy Jane Austen, try Mansfield Park. The protagonist's name is a clue, I reckon.)

alexis said...

I'm almost certain my comment doesn't get any ginger cake.

TimT said...

After all, what would they be thinking about but not talking about in polite society? And why is their conversation about general things (family, lands, house) except when they talk about 'his fruit'? Darcy's not known for fruit cultivation. It's just a plot device allowing Austen to put a pun into the text.

Kathy said...

I bet Liz couldn't wait to get her hands on his banana!

Just too reserved and polite to say so.

Having said that, I reckon 'Pride And Prejudice' is STILL one of my most favourite novels..

nailpolishblues said...

I'm almost certain my ginger cake includes several things you don't eat, Alexis. Five bucks though...

I do believe I've read parts of 'Pride and Promiscuity: the lost sex scenes of Jane Austen' - those sisters of Bingly, goodness!

TimT said...

I once tried my hand at writing a story where a Jane Austen character (or possibly Austen herself) ran into Byron's Don Juan, though that went nowhere fast.

Nails, do you mean to say that I lust after Darcy?

I lust after ginger cake, let me tell you that much - not Darcy, as such.

TimT said...

One things for sure, one quick way to rack up ten comments on your blog is to do a post about the sex that isn't in Jane Austen.

nailpolishblues said...

It also helps if your, ahem, biatches happen to be near a computers at the time and if one of your worst offenders is sick, bored, making no sense, and spending too much time reading blogs.

I don't think lust has anything to do with it. Close but entirely the wrong angle.

alexis said...

Try doing a post about your unfamiliarity with coffee.

Steve said...

Um, so that I don't have to read it, or watch Colin Firth in a wet shirt, can someone tell me in 30 words or less the plot of the book and whether she gets her man (and his fruit) by the end?

Oh I'm sure the book is all very witty, wryly amusing and a fascinating look into that world at that time, etc, but I just have never been interested enough to actually read her. Or even to watch the movies or TV series. Maybe a Japanese manga version would get me in.

TimT said...

*Cougs* Yes *Coughs*

nailpolishblues said...

Coming down with something, Tim..?

TimT said...

Merely a touch of the vapours. Fetch me my smelling salts, Jeeves!

nailpolishblues said...

You might try loosening your corset.

nick cetacean said...

It's actually a typo. It should read:

The look and behaviour of everybody they had seen were discussed, except of the person who had mostly engaged their attention. They talked of his sister, his friends, his house, his flute — of everything but himself; yet Elizabeth was longing to know what Mrs. Gardiner thought of him, and Mrs. Gardiner would have been highly gratified by her niece’s beginning the subject....

Caz said...

Steve - yes, she gets her flute, err, fruit, in the end, of course.

Forget the book though, or the johnny-come-lately and entirely redundant film, the 1995 telly mini-series with Colin Firth as Mr Darcy can't be beat.

Aaaaaahhhhhh, Mr Darcy, aaaaaahhhhhh, Mr Darcy in wet shirt, aaaaaahhhhhh ...

Caz said...

Nails - let him yearn, let him yearn. Better to have blogged and lost than to have never blogged at all.

A wightly wanton with a velvet brow,
With two pitch balls stuck in her face for eyes;
Ay, and, by heaven, one that will do the deed
Though Argus were her eunuch and her guard:
And I to sigh for her! to watch for her!

nailpolishblues said...

I either need to be more specific or shut up, right?

Kathy said...

Ah.. Caz..
To pray for her!Go to it; it is a plague
That cupid will impose for my neglect
Of his almighty dreadful little might.
Well, I will love, write, sigh, pray,sue and groan:
Some men must love my lady , and some Joan.

But what exceeds even 'Loves Labour's Lost' dear Caz, is your profound..
"Better to have blogged and lost than never to have blogged at all."

Such profound wisdom and perception is totally unsurpassed!

Caz said...

Timmy, remember thy swashing blog.

TimT said...

These comments are certainly getting fruity.

My favourite quote with 'fruit' in it is this, from The Producers - Max Bialystock to Roger de Vries...

"You lousy fruit! You've ruined me!"

Mitzy G Burger said...

I may not be among the frequently stocktaked on timt's stash of biatches but I have revelled in your collective commentary on the fruits of Austen. There's something truly Talmudic, or even tennisish about the perpetual clarification spawned from one scholar's take on the original scripture.
Nailpolishblues, I don't believe there is such a thing as too much time reading blogs unless your alternative is a pile of essays on Cloudstreet. Shudder.

TimT said...

Thanks Mitzy. I might just add a clarifying paragraph to this shortly.

At least I've spared y'all, so far, from linking The Song of Solomon in the Old Testament to vindicate myself!

nailpolishblues said...

You're quite right, Mitzy. I'll no longer complain.

nailpolishblues said...

Who needed clarification?

Email: timhtrain - at - yahoo.com.au

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