After an extensive interview process, I've decided to grant the position to this radish.
Of course, this radish cannot speak, write, or type, and therefore this blog will be somewhat lacking in my characteristic bon mots, my nonsensical aperçus, or my insouciant observations. On the plus side, I now grow leaves out of the top of my head.
Please don't do this to me, though. I'm too young to be soupified.