kidattypewriter

Tuesday, October 02, 2007

Incomplete catalogue of sneers: an excerpt

#7821: The Sneer at Fifty Paces

At arts festivals and large public events, it is often necessary for the sneerer to be able to make the sneer felt to the sneeree* at medium to long distances. Sometimes, one must even engage in extended exchanges of sneering and/or sneering duels until the sneeree has submitted in shame and anger at your forceful sneering.

The sneer at Fifty Paces is a highly refined sneer, designed to be felt across crowded auditoriums, and sometimes even through auditorium doors. It is not so much a physical sneer as a metaphysical or spiritual sneer, being felt more than experienced by the sneeree. As such, it represents one of the highest achievements of sneerdom.

*Sneeree: person being sneered at.

16 comments:

nailpolishblues said...

Oh, now sneering is something I'm good at.

TimT said...

My next installment will probably be 'public transport superciliousness', but what's your favourite sneer? Any popular requests?

nailpolishblues said...

My favourite sneers are the ones from people who've worked in customer service for a long time.

TimT said...

I think I could work something into the catalogue along those lines. Not sure whether you're referring to the sneers they give one another, or the sneers they give the customer though. Both have a certain poetry to them..

nailpolishblues said...

The ones they give to customers that are at once very obvious and so subtle that they can't be called upon for their rudeness.

I would be more articulate but I am far too tired.

TimT said...

Egads, I think I can imagine, but this reqires more investigation. I think I shall go in a cafe with an older waiter or waitress and ask them dumb questions and observe their facial expressions, as an anthropological experiment.

TimT said...

Eg 'Went into cafe. Subject was approximately 45-47 years old. Slightly skinny.

When asked if they served their latte with milk, subjects face contorted for approximately half a second. Then subject laughed. Following this, the subject at once curled their lips, tilted mouth to the left, and said 'Yes, of course.'

As further experiment, I decided to ask the subject if the sugar was decaffeinated as well as the coffee.

Subject did not appear to be pleased with question...

Jo said...

Being cowardly, I enjoy the behind-the-back sneer.

I think I might glower, though. Not sure.

Mitzi G Burger said...

Sydney bike rage sneers are priceless. Gripping handlebars for dear life, cyclists dispense sneers at the drop of a helmet to the four-wheels-bad. Now that is a sneer I cheer.

TimT said...

I enjoy wishing relatives a Happy New Sneer.

nailpolishblues said...

You must be popular amongs your family then.

David said...

It depends how attached his family were to their Old Sneer.

Of course, a crappy fortune teller could always be a Sooth Sneer (motto? "The Sooth Is Out There!").

Having worked in retail in my undergraduate years, I soon adopted the motto: Sneer Enough's Good Enough.

TimT said...

Friends, Romans, countrymen - lend me your sneers! (As Shakespeare said.)

David said...

Speaking of the Bard, have you seen the new Supercilious Theatre performance of the great King Sneer?

It's not to be, er, sneered at.

TimT said...

But perhaps to be Leared at?

David said...

Leer, Leer!

Email: timhtrain - at - yahoo.com.au

eXTReMe Tracker

Blog Archive

About Me

My Photo
Me person. Live in world. Like stuff. Need job. Need BRAINS! (DROOLS IN THE MANNER OF ZOMBIES) Ergggggh ...