1. An ontological proposition about the tastiest blancmange
- There is a blancmange that is defined as tastier than all the rest.
- Something that exists is tastier than something that does not exist.
- Therefore, the tastiest blancmange exists.
2. The meeting of Hume and Rousseau
HUME: Strawberries and cream! I put it to you, my dear fellow: you can choose to accept it or not!
ROUSSEAU: Whipped cream?
HUME: No, straight from the cow.
ROUSSEAU: Sacre bleu! I prefer mutton chops!
HUME: Sausages, perhaps?
ROUSSEAU: On these points, a compromise must be found. Potatoes with butter stuffing?
HUME: Pumpkin, I think.
ROUSSEAU: Pumpkin it is then.
3. Nietzsche's complex relationship to sponge cake
The sponge cake is gone. The sponge cake remains gone. And we have eaten it. How shall we comfort ourselves, the murderers of all murderers? What was holiest and mightiest of all that the world has yet owned has disappeared under our knives: who will wipe this cream off us? What water is there for us to clean ourselves? What festivals of atonement, what sacred games shall we have to invent? Is not the greatness of this deed too great for us? Must we ourselves not become sponge cakes simply to appear worthy of it?
However, Kierkegaard later modified Nietzsche's 'we must become as the sponge cake was' theorem to 'we all live in the eternal sponge cake. It is so much more sponge cake than we can ever be. Let us all eat it and rejoice.'
4. A recipe for Plato's Republic
- Take a liberal serving of philosophers.
- Sprinkle lightly with Socratic dialogue, marinate.
- Stew them in their own aphorisms.
- Serve, as philosopher kings, with cheese and a dash of salt.
- Only fools eat snot.
- Heinrich is a fool.
Therefore: Heinrich eats snot.
- Some bananas are green.
- The supermarket frequently stocks yellow bananas.
- Marilyn buys only green bananas.
Therefore: Marilyn does not buy bananas from the supermarket frequently.
- Hedgehogs taste the best when made with Arrowroot biscuit.
- Esmerelda's hedgehogs are not made with Arrowroot biscuit.
Therefore: Esmerelda's hedgehogs do not taste the best.
- Those who can, eat; those who can't, nibble.
- Man cannot live his life on bread alone, but with jam things look pretty bright.
- How many creaming sodas must a man pour down before he can go to the toilet?
See also: Thus Ate Zarathustra, by Woody Allen
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