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Sunday, December 30, 2007

Pious in the skious

(The other day I managed to get a high-scoring word, 'Theogony', on the board while playing Scrabble-meister Lexicon. I promptly wrote this song, originally with that word 'featuring prominently. Though the meaning didn't quite fit, so I changed it to 'theology'. This is dedicated with gratitude to her.)

THEOLOGY
(As performed by the Bee Gees)

Theology!
When omniscience just makes no sense -
Theology!
When you can't sort out your testaments -
When you're not sure
If you're agnostic
Or just a gnostic...

Theology!
When you can't relate free will with fate -
Theology!
When you're parables are terrible -
And the psalms
No longer calm
Is there a first cause...

Book by book
There's a questing down inside of me:
Questioning -
With a doubt that won't let me be -
And I should have known -
I really should be knowing you
Knowing you knowing you
Proving you...

Theology!
When you can't tell your losses from your prophets -
Theology!
When you can't tell your angels from your hobbits -
I just can't see
I think I'll take up
Theosophy...

Theology!
When you really need a decent creed -
Theology!
When you're going blind but you don't mind -
And Paul says, Well
You ain't en route to hell
But just to Damascus...

Theology!

12 comments:

TimT said...

And in fact it was Lexicon with the original idea for a Bee Gees send up.

While I'm in a pious mood, I think I might also link the Cartoon Church blog. Yes, I think I will.

proserpina said...

Perhaps you could send that to Channel nine for possible inclusion in their Christmas carols next year?

It is a source of much annoyance to me that the Scrabble wordlist is apparently based on Chambers' dictionary rather than the OED. This is the sort of travesty I've had to endure as a result, although what really gets my goat is when someone sneakily sets up the game with TWL and American spellings. The horror, the horror!

TimT said...

I hear the carols on channel nine plumbed new depths of awfulness.

The two letter spellings are a little puzzling. 'ST' and 'CH' is allowed, but not 'EG'. I'm not sure whether 'ST' is a shortened version of 'SAINT' or 'STREET'. Words like 'EE' and 'OO' and even 'AA' are also allowed, and I think at least one of those has to be a pathetic rendition of a scream.

TENTIEST is 'Most like a tent', perhaps? That's a heck of an example to use as a superlative. 'This is a tent. It is very TENTY. This is another tent. It is even TENTIER. This is a third tent. It is the TENTIEST TENT of all these TENTY TENTS!"

Ahem. Pardon me. I got carried away there. I'm going to go and sing atheist Christmas carols for an hour, that should cure me.

proserpina said...

Yes, there are always very few real carols on the Channel Nine carols, which is why your little ditty would fit in so well. I've never been moved to quite so much venom as Sam obviously was, but just the other day I was reclining in my swivel chair, relishing the very fine stereo my superb siblings gave me a few years back (as I often do), when suddenly Leonard Cohen sang:

"and Bethlehem inflamed us both
like the shy one at some orgy".

This prompted me to a fanciful little vision of how Ray Martin might introduce it, although the truth is that Ray Martin and all the Carols in the audience would be utterly deaf to the lyrics and you could sing your song and Leonard's in rounds without anyone being any the wiser.

Tenty is (allegedly) an Elizabethan word meaning "wary" or "watchful". I suppose it is connected with tents if you think along military lines, as in "We were very tenty down in the bivouac". I quite like "tenty", but I'm not too fond of the superlative. I mostly play with a competitive engineer, who, I am sure, has probably written a program to crunch all the combinations.

(Sorry, scrabble seems to carry me away too).

alexis said...

Your dedicatee is truly humbled (no more by your trouncing her soundly at scrabble than by your excellent rime).

Now, casting my humility aside and waxing lexicographical. Mine Oxford English Dictionary saith: on "ch", that it's the "Aphetic form of ich, utch, southern form of the first personal pronoun I, occurring before verbal forms beginning with a vowel, h, or w; that "st" is "an exclamation used to impose silence"; "ee" is a colloquial contraction for "ye"; and "oo", among other things is
"(A name for) the Greek long omega, esp. in alpha and oo". Take that, oh ye scrabblers of little faith.

Excellent song, by the way.

TimT said...

Omega, omega, omegosh, there's something in the aleph! Thank you for your lexicographicalness and thank you for your definitability. You are not so much prodigous as prestidigiously so.

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