Thursday, May 01, 2008

And now to a serious subject

Drugs! Not only are they the scourge of society, the pernicious cause of crime, but they're also illegal! But apart from that, what else is wrong with them?

Rock stars use drugs. This is in itself bad enough: imagine if instead of taking drugs, Robby Coltrane and Britney Spears concentrated on bringing joy and happiness to the hearts of millions through their music!

Worse than that, though. Australia's Olympic athletes may be taking drugs. Drugs enable athletes to be faster, stronger, more aware, tire less easily, and have more endurance than they had before. This is horrifying! If something is not done about the scourge of drugs amongst modern athletes, then nothing will be done!

And it's not only the brightest and best who may be taking drugs. Losers could be taking them as well. For instance, consider, in the 2002 Olympics, when Australian Olympic athlete Stephen Bradbury through an amazing stroke of luck became our first ever Winter Olympics gold medallist:

What if he won the gold medal in the Winter Olympics through an amazing stroke of luck - while under the influence of illegal drugs?

Horribly, no-one could be immune from the deadly influence of these dreadful chemicals. In the 2000 Summer Olympics, Eric the Eel became unofficial champion of all our hearts when competing in the 100 metre freestyle swimming.

But the question must be asked: did he become unofficial champion of all our hearts through the horrendous, all-pervasive influence of drugs?

This has been a WTFF Investigative Report.

UPDATE! - Some words which rhyme with drugs:


I think this just proves my point.


Maria said...

What would happen if the nasty judge of Dancing With the Stars was found to have only been able to make those pernicious comments because he was a drug user?


Maria said...

Other words that rhyme with drugs:


pugs ... hugs ... rugs ... jugs
... Well, you WERE on to a good thing before!

TimT said...

I'll never look at a hug or a rug the same way again.

Alexis, Baron von Harlot said...

The vermicide people have invented a new all-worm tablet for dogs that apparently tastes like heaven (which in dog cuisine translates roughly into decomposing wombat trotter). I watched my ma unwrap a couple yesterday and Wilbur dashed to her side and looked beseeching until she gave them to him. And then he looked beseeching again in the hope that she'd give him more.

And you thought Coleridge had a problem with his opium.

ms rachy said...

Hey, even more shocking is that someone from the UN said something I agree with!

TimT said...

Delicious wombat trotter... *gargles in the manner of Homer*

Caz said...

Err, I thought the judges of all "reality" telly shows were on drugs?

(A big "hello" to Paula!! You gooo girrll. Or if you can't gooo, at least slump straight.)

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