kidattypewriter

Friday, July 11, 2008

Epigrams of the tax office

Better take the tax out of the man than the man out of the tax.

***

Taketh from the rich to give to the poor. Taketh from the poor to give to the politicians. Do not taketh from the politicians at all - are you crazy, man?

***

Honour thy father and thy mother. But don't forget to invoice them.

***

For every act, there is a time; for every town, there is a place; for every man, there is a tax file number, bank account details, serial code, collection of data, and crack investigation team ready.

***

Be as sly as serpents, and as gentle as serpents.

***

Everything that lives is holy. But only man produces money.

***

There is God, there is the Devil, and then there is the Health Department.

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Tax the rich man more than he can afford, to give the poor man less than he needs.

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A penny saved is a penny earned is a lucrative opportunity for broadening the tax base burned.

***

Conan, what is the best in life?
To tax the villagers and hear the lamentation of the women.

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A vast and bloated bureaucracy is not nearly big enough.

***

Tax the rich in adversity: they can afford it.
Tax the poor in adversity anyway.

***

Time is best spent working. Work is best spent earning money. Money is best spent according to the whims of various government departments.

***

If it moves, tax it. If it stops, tax it. If it drops, tax the hell out of it. Then call for the ambulance, and tax them too. Then tax everything in sight. Then tax everything else.

***

The taxpayer who sleeps happily in his bed of a night is obviously cheating.

***

Pay up, or the budget gets it!

***

Tax is legal. Crime is not.

***

There is only one thing certain in this life - taxes. Death, on the other hand, is debatable.

***

Money doesn't make the world go around, but we're working on it.

***

The Lord giveth, and the tax office taketh away.

***

Destroy them all!

***

If you like looting and plundering, you might consider taking up a lucrative career with us!

***

The GST is AOK at the ATO!

***

Fairness has nothing to do with it.

***

Some tax is better than no tax. More tax is better than some tax.

***

KICS: Keep It Complicated, Stupid!

***

Thrift is an outdated concept.

***

Pay up, buster!

***

He suffered from a common form of madness: he thought he earned money for himself.

***

Tax is just the cake. The niggling guilt of the taxpayer is the icing, and their consequent life-long anxiety is the cherry on the top.

***

You don't get what you earn, you get what's left over.

***

Why do we take from you? Because we're allowed to.

***

Every morning
Every day
Love your wife
But make her pay.

Tax her up
And tax her down
Tax her here there
All around.

As the boss
Will often say
"Tax them every
Fricking way."

Every morning
Every day
Love your wife
But make her pay.

***

We are the ones who get to say who needs what, when, and how.

***

A hidden tax is a secret joy.

***

The threefold path: tax, tax, and tax again.

***

The anguish of the poor man who has just had thirty per cent of their pay packet docked for the year is a blessing to the hearts of tax men everywhere.

***

Basically, we own thirty per cent of your soul.

***

Technically speaking, money is an artificial concept anyway. So does it really matter how much 'money' we 'take'?

***

The public service: wasting your money in as inefficient way as possible.

***

We waste your money so the public service can waste your time. Simple!

12 comments:

trivially learned said...

The tax department isn't wholly without poetry.

(One of the best album titles ever).

Mild Colonial Boy, Esq. said...

You try paying the taxman with a sonnet and you'll see how far his appreciation goes.

TimT said...

As Rabbie Burns said, "The de'il's awa wi' the excise man!"

Mish said...

"The public service: wasting your money in as inefficient way as possible."

I wonder if I can put this on my business cards??

TimT said...

Why not? Though it would depend somewhat on whether you wanted to use the business cards to attract clients or the opposite. Somewhat.

Mish said...

I'm pretty sure my clients would agree with it. I work for the state government after all. People only pull out my card if they want to complain, I could save them the hassle and just tell them to read the slogan.

Still, I'm glad I don't work for the tax office :D

TimT said...

Yeah, true, it's mostly easier just to do looting and plundering as a part-time hobby or private philanthropic activity than take it up full time at the ATO.

nailpolishblues said...

Yeah, I can't wait to do my tax either. You forgot [I think] to mention something about HELP - not strictly a tax but certainly counted by the money grubbers.

TimT said...

What's HELP? This shows how much I've been paying attention. But yeah, it was probably subconscious dread about the ATO forms that currently loom over my head.

nailpolishblues said...

HELP is what they now call HECS.

It's utterly charming to look at your pay slip and see HELP with altogether too many numbers written next to it.

TimT said...

It's an onomatopaeic tax. It attempts to imitate the noise you make when you see it.

nailpolishblues said...

That's an entirely different four letter word.

Email: timhtrain - at - yahoo.com.au

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