The gas bill, written by Shakespeare
Dear citizen - O fair and goodly friend -
Fain were I thy most valued loved offend;
Nay, if fiends of hell, no less, would thee attack -
We'd face them with our swords, and turn 'em back:
Fair friend, my bosom brother, dearest coz -
For thee I'd sell my kingdom and my horse.
So 'tis with grief I must inform thee now,
I am (being bound by antient sacred vow
To represent the _____ Corporation,
A name you hold in highest veneration),
I am, I do repeat, made to ask you
For the sum of ... (let me see now) ... $692.
Willliam Shakespeare, representative of the ______ Corp, gas and electricity.
Of course, dear coz, if payments get behind
I must inform you that you will be fined.
Master Basho's haiku, as written by the author of overdue gas notices
Lotus at evening:
The petals fall slowly. Your
Bill is overdue.
I sigh... sorrowfully.
Failure to pay could result in
I observe the lark
Singing daily: Alas! If
Only you would pay.
We will be sending
Officers soon to discuss
Your legal options.
Pay up, buster. Or
We will have to prosecute
On this sad evening.
Tim, your links stink, you fink!
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