Tuesday, July 08, 2008

The Quibs and Bunning Writers Exchange Program #2

The gas bill, written by Shakespeare

Dear citizen - O fair and goodly friend -
Fain were I thy most valued loved offend;
Nay, if fiends of hell, no less, would thee attack -
We'd face them with our swords, and turn 'em back:
Fair friend, my bosom brother, dearest coz -
For thee I'd sell my kingdom and my horse.
So 'tis with grief I must inform thee now,
I am (being bound by antient sacred vow
To represent the _____ Corporation,
A name you hold in highest veneration),
I am, I do repeat, made to ask you
For the sum of ... (let me see now) ... $692.

Willliam Shakespeare, representative of the ______ Corp, gas and electricity.

Of course, dear coz, if payments get behind
I must inform you that you will be fined.

Master Basho's haiku, as written by the author of overdue gas notices

Lotus at evening:
The petals fall slowly. Your
Bill is overdue.

I sigh... sorrowfully.
Failure to pay could result in
Fiscal penalties.

I observe the lark
Singing daily: Alas! If
Only you would pay.

We will be sending
Officers soon to discuss
Your legal options.

Pay up, buster. Or
We will have to prosecute
On this sad evening.


Helen said...

Fabulous stuff.. but... WTF were you doing to amass a bill that size?! Have you built Crown Casino-style gas bomb blasters on either side of your front door?

TimT said...

I wish. It would be so cool if I received a poetic letter, by Shakespeare, on behalf of the (so and so) gas company. As it is, I'm not sure what the last time was I received a bill and am consequently getting very worried...

Email: timhtrain - at -

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