A confirmed nymphomaniac living in a small community outside of Melbourne has vowed to abstain from Christianity before sex.
"The temptation is great," admits Mr. E.N.*, in an exclusive interview with this paper. "But I've made a firm commitment with myself. NO to religion before I come to grips with more serious matters, like sex. It's far too important to play around with."
Mr. E.N. has been delivering pornography door to door and preaching his doctrine of "Sensuality First" in an effort to convert people in his town. He has also been offering subscriptions to Playboy and performing dramatic readings from the magazine in the Town Square for interested audiences. He says that the responses have been 'mostly positive'.
However, Mr E.N. has met with opposition from several other organisations in town. One such organisation is 'Christians against Sex Education for Married People', whose spokesman**, Ms M.R., said in a statement to this paper yesterday, "It's unrealistic to ask people to abstain from Christianity. They have to learn to experiment amongst themselves until they find a belief that suits them. We believe this will allow them to return to sex at a later and more mature period in their lives."
A second organisation, 'Married People against Christianity for Other Married People who Practise Sex Before Marriage,' is more supportive of Mr E.N.'s aims. "It is inappropriate for Christianity to be taught in schools," claims Mr. N.F. "Especially when young people could be getting up to more appropriate activities such as marrying, or having sex."
However, Mr E.N. believes that his "Sensuality First" doctrine will catch on. "Christianity is not a compulsion, it's a choice," he says. "I just want to make sure that people are fully aware of the importance of sex before they start playing around with religion."
Mr E.N. will be debating his arguments*** on local television tomorrow night, against Ms. J.H., a spokesperson for the community-interest group 'Somewhat Confused Christians Against Marriage Before Sex.' He expects a large audience.
*Disclosure: some initials have been changed in order to protect the identity of the initial initials.
**Disclosure: some gender identities have been changed in order to protect the identified genders of several gender identities.
***Not to mention arguing his debates.
Tim, your links stink, you fink!
- John Bangsund's Threepenny Planet
- Broken Biro
- Poetry 24
- Superlative scribbles
- Kirstyn McD!
- Rorrim a tsomla almost a mirror
- More Sterne
- Cam the man from the Dan.
- Too hot to Raaaaaaandallllllll!
- Erin's Excellently Everlasting Effervescements!
- Slammy Infamy
- Hail Paco!
- Baron Blandwagon, purveyor of cyberbunnies, hawker of Roger Corman, and Misruler of the Multiverse
- The Bolta. Aiyeeeeee!!!!!
- Bad Apple Audrey
- The cartoon church
- Sir Martinkus
- A Zemblanian abroad and at home
- A hodge podge of hotzeplotz
- THE SLAMMA!
- Jottlesby's nottings, or should that be Nottlesby's jottings?
- The Snarking of the Hunt
- Jazzy Hands
- David of Metal City
- David the Barista
- The Blogger on the Cast Iron Balcony
- Be an Opinion Dominion Minion!
- ... and Fel
- His brilliant career - from whale sushi to crumbed prawn
- Jo Blogs
- Yet another Tim
- Was two peas, now three peas
- ... Still Life - now with extra rotating cats!
- An Amazingly Awesome Australian Ampersand!
- Blink and you'll miss 'er
- Red in the land of the tigers!
- Wire of Vibe
- Chase him, ladies, he's in the cavalry!
- The Non-palindromical Editrix in Germanium
- Old Sterne
- The briefs...
- ... and the brieflets
- The Purple Blog
- Blairville, lair of all that is wicked and perfidious
- The enticingly acronymical CSH
- EXTREEEEEEEME WYNTER!
- Mark of California
- Silent Speaking
- Lexicon the Mexican
- ► 2015 (61)
- ► 2014 (135)
- ► 2013 (173)
- ► 2012 (275)
- ► 2011 (261)
- ► 2010 (288)
- ► 2009 (290)
- It's like poetry, sort of
- What you don't see, you can't see hurt you
- Nymphomaniac vows to abstain from Christianity bef...
- Astound your friends with astounding things!
- See you later, procrastinator
- Into the mouth of death he strode
- One liner, in three lines
- Comment on the culture of comment
- That's a funny dunny
- Post about armpits
- Pat squared
- Unannounced spot check
- Amazing diet foods of tomorrow!
- Whoops, sorry mum
- To the Surgeons, to make much of Time
- Drinking orange juice makes you intelligent
- Deadly feathers
- Yes we can't
- Yay! and Neigh!
- Slightly disturbing
- It's all about meme!
- ▼ November (23)
- ► 2007 (392)
- ► 2006 (373)
- ► 2005 (287)