kidattypewriter

Thursday, December 11, 2008

Better the Minogue than the Maxogue

Apparently Kylie, the Australian woman most famous for being ordinary, is releasing a perfume: "Sexy Darling", the headline says, is a "seductive new fragrance from Kylie Minogue".

Seductive? How can something with the name of 'Sexy darling' exactly be described as seductive? That's like calling a punch in the face a subtle argument. If 'sexy darling' is seductive, then what other mysterious meanings are there in this lexicon?


Nice tits = subtle flirtation technique

Let's shag = being coy

You have a face like an old boot = affectionate teasing

Let's sing hymns at church together some time = expression of utmost contempt

Sex = pleasant entertainment to be had when encountering slight acquaintances

10 comments:

Maria said...

"Take off your pants" - subtly suggestive

"Big boobs baby! Yeeha!" - smooth flattery

There is a not-very-good movie called Shopgirl (Steve Martin movie) where a guy is about to have sex with a girl. She requests he wear a condom, he doesn't have one and doesn't want to go all the way out to buy one. He looks frustrated and says, "Do you have, you know, any jiffy bags or anything?"

I think the "requesting a jiffy bag" should have a special section in the sex and dating dictionary of its own!

Maria said...

By the way, here is some info on Shopgirl

I thought it was a little tedious and lacked chemistry; it was not entirely clear why the relationship with Steve Martin and Claire Danes came about. And some parts of the movie were over-explained. However the "Jeremy" character (who asked for the jiffy bag) provided the comedy. I think he made the movie ... well, move!

TimT said...

I saw Shopgirl when it came out. An odd and not very enjoyable film, but interesting in some ways. I see that Jeremy was Claire Danes original and rather hopeless boyfriend. Hmmm.

I saw it after reading and enjoying very much Steve Martin's book, Pure Drivel, a collection of comic pieces. He's got a lot in there, too, about infidelity and the break-up of relationships. I wonder if there's something he's trying to tell us?

TimT said...

Since everyone seems to be releasing a perfume these days, I wonder if this blog should do it as well.

'The WTF perfume is a seductive blend of dusty laptop computers that have been secreted away in decaying cupboards in cheap rental apartments, coffee, and shabby, never-washed, centuries-old handkerchiefs. It will provide your body with that authentic, lived in feel!'

Gosh, it'll sell out within hours!

nailpolishblues said...

You know, I could make 'Let's sing hymns at church together some time' sound like an expression of utmost contempt altogether too easily. SO easily, in fact, that I'm genuinely considering using it on people.

I didn't get your point with these though - Nice tits = subtle flirtation technique/Let's shag = being coy. But then, I grew up in Townsville and there they are - if yo see what I mean.

Maria said...

I'm coincidentally reading Patrick Suskind's "Perfume" at the moment. Resist the temptation to turn homicidal maniac in your quest for WTFF Perfume, TimT!

TimT said...

Coincidentally, I'm going to be popping along to the Lutheran Church this Sunday to hear Bach's Christmas Oratorio.

Anyway want to come along? Let's sing hymns at church sometime!

TimT said...

Have y'all read Road Dahl's 'Uncle Oswald' stories, about a randy old sod who tells tales about his sexual miscapades? In one he runs into a perfumologist who invents an odour that sends men wild with desire - Uncle Oswald promptly becomes the lab rat in this experiment.

Not that I condone it or anything.

The Topiary Cow said...

"'The WTF perfume is a seductive blend of dusty laptop computers that have been secreted away in decaying cupboards in cheap rental apartments, coffee, and shabby, never-washed, centuries-old handkerchiefs. It will provide your body with that authentic, lived in feel!"

Finally! A perfume just for moi!

As for Shopgirl, Cow saw it at a film festival, and wouldn't see it again. Bleah. As for Steve Martin's real life, apparently another movie he made with Eddie Murphy where his girlfriend sleeps her way up till she is with Hollywood's "pre-eminent" lesbian, was autobiographical.

Moo!

Maria said...

I've been trying to track down the Uncle Oswald stories with little luck, though I've heard references here and there.

I think I've read a story Roald Dahl wrote that was similar to that story (I believe Dahl wrote some stories and then rewrote them and published multiple versions; for instance in his short story collection there is a story called "The Champion of the World" which is almost the same as Danny the Champion of the World but not as directed towards a younger audience).

In the story I read I don't remember a mention of Uncle Oswald but there was a perfume which a man developed and tested on his assistant Simone. She was ravaged and adored it and he thought ehr a slut. By the end of the story he lost the perfume, he might have dropped the bottle and had one last go at the crowd and then that was it.
I believe the story was called "Bitch" after the perfume's name.

I think you can find it in Roald Dahl's collection "Switch Bitch" (1974) short story compilation.

Love Dahl!

Email: timhtrain - at - yahoo.com.au

eXTReMe Tracker

Blog Archive

About Me

My Photo
Me person. Live in world. Like stuff. Need job. Need BRAINS! (DROOLS IN THE MANNER OF ZOMBIES) Ergggggh ...