kidattypewriter

Thursday, June 11, 2009

Agreeing to disagree over your similarities

That sound you hear is hundreds of Australian radio presenters agreeing with one another. The louder and the angrier they sound, the more unanimous their opinions are likely to be. Some presenters, indeed, are so similar in their similarities, that even their differences are similar. It's like two same sides of the same coin, if that coin happens to be similar to itself.



And look, just look at these two. They're the worst of the worst - Abraham (on the right) and Bevan (on the left). Abraham is the worst of the pair, and Bevan is the same. That's how bad they are. How can you tell them apart? It's like distinguishing between B1 and B2. 'Are you thinking what I'm thinking, Abraham? I think I am, Bevan.'

Still, with my transcriber's ear, I am able to tell you some infallible ways of distinguishing between the two. Abraham, he's the one that sounds like Bevan; and so does Bevan. Sometimes, too, they take it in turns, and swap, so that Abraham, who normally sounds like Bevan, sounds like himself; and Bevan sounds like Abraham too. Also, Abraham occasionally sounds like Bevan sounding like Abraham, and Bevan imitates Abraham imitating Bevan, or vice versa, not to mention vice vice versa versa, and vice versa versa vice versa, too. There. Does that makes sense?

Still, if all else fails, there is one foolproof way of telling them apart (it really is foolproof because it was devised by a fool, and even he couldn't work out what it meant). Bevan is the scrawny looking runt on the left with the glasses. Abraham, the measly putz on the right with the thinning hair. So there you go. Next time you tune into ABC Adelaide, just listen for the sound of glasses (Bevan), and the voice with the thinning hair (Abraham). Simple.

Abraham and Bevan: the two Janus-faces made for radio. God knows what they'd do if they ever disagreed with one another.

21 comments:

Maria said...

They're angry because they'd like to be different from the other angry farts out there but they can't figure out how and that makes them reeeeaaaaally pissed off.

Maria said...

I just have to make this post because my word verification is "blessess"

Maybe if I pass it on to 8 other people or you do, and send it back to my blog as well - or something or other, or maybe post eight comments on my blog and 48 on other blogs, and ... oh whatever.

It might give someone good karma somehow someway.

Never miss an opprtunity.

TimT said...

Admittedly, these two chaps are quite placid. Very snarky and a bit rude when interviewing others though - (keep on talking over the person they're interviewing, for instance.)

forlorn said...

I know that this is not a common view, but I can't stand ABC local radio. I made the mistake of having it on in the kitchen some time ago and, upon passing through on my way somewhere else, I noticed that James Valentine and his listeners were having the most mind-numbing conversation about which varieties of bread best represent the different parts of Sydney. This pained me, but I really wanted to top myself when I passed through the room again an hour later and they were still on the same subject. I can't imagine the horror of having to listen to and transcribe the entirety of such a conversation.

TimT said...

Ah yes, James Valentine - it's trivial! But I know it's trivial! That makes it ironic! Which is funny! But funny in a trivial way! Join with me in the vicious circle that is ABC local radio humour!

TimT said...

Maria, I wasn't aware that there was a plural form of 'blesses', but apparently you just found it. Maybe it could be pluralised again, to 'blessessess!'

Maria said...

Just keep sticking "s"s at the end, keep them blessess coming!

forlorn, I spend a lot of time in court as an assistant. I think an hour or two of listening to people discuss what kind of bread best represents different parts of Sydney would be considered a lively change of pace.

We're in court and the lawyers have spent four or five hours presenting submissions whcih sound like they've been saying nothing at all except "You Honour, in respect of the submissions that I mailed to you earlier, at tab 4 line 31 you will see the legal argument to which I am referring, and then again at tab ..." ..."and I would like to hand up to you another sheet in support of my argument" [while you're thinking, what argument, what argument, it's just a bundle of references???]

At the end of the five hours the judge says, "Thank you for putting your submissions to me so concisely."

Now there is the bit of humour I get for the day.

Maria said...

It sounds like you should have a radio station, TimT, WTFF Radio - bits of TimT's blog read aloud and commented upon - now how trivial woudl THAT be?

nailpolishblues said...

I think WTFF would fail as talk back radio. Bloggers tend to be people who avoid telephones. (Massive generalisation, non?)

I now have slight curiosity about which bread represents my suburb and a dreadful feeling that it would be something revolting and pretentious with lavender or some such in it.

forlorn said...

Maria, I now realise that ABC local radio must exist to help lawyers unwind and resent its banality less.

The suburbs were designated in a very predictable way, as I recollect. Of course, since the listeners did tend to be from certain areas, they tried to be more complementary towards their own suburbs, but ended up marking them with the pretentious brand. They also amused themselves by labelling various parts of the Western suburbs with bland types of bread and were apparently oblivious to the snobbery of doing so.

Maria said...

We're a curious lot, lawyers.

After court we listen to ABC local radio and read that terribly exciting book, the Yellow Pages. It's a great read after you've read an affidavit.

I don't know how many other professions actually think it's so cool to have to wear a GREY/WHITE WIG.

All our friends are our "learned friends", even when they're dull and distant as bat's excrement. Then they're "Your Honour".

Maria said...

Bread that's my suburb? Middlishness pretentiousness, not too interesting, not too flavoursome, a little old and soft, something a family could old. Nothing jivey and not very spicy. Somewhat conservative bread.

Probably not as white though now as it would like to be. :)

Maria said...

"a family could old"

I meant a family could eat. Where the heck's my head today?

I think I'll leave work now and look for it at home!

TimT said...

I wish I had to wear a wig at work as part of my professional duties. Don the grey-white thing with pride, Maria!

TimT said...

And Nails is right, I would totally bomb at radio. I love getting into arguments with people but I am really, really crap at presenting my POV effectively in person-to-person debates.

nailpolishblues said...

Ah, the big question now - do you have a radio voice, Tim?

And bags me for the weather girl - like that flirtatious doctor keeps suggesting. Naughty, naughty doctor...

TimT said...

If people can have a face made for radio, maybe I have a voice made for blogging? I dunno. I seem to do all right when I read poetry out. But maybe that's because I like play acting and I tend to sound like a demented person. I squawk when I get excited, I know that.

nailpolishblues said...

You squawk when you get excited? That could be very embarrassing.

Maria said...

"I am really, really crap at presenting my POV effectively in person-to-person debates"

I think you'd fit right in.

I think it's "spelling ability made for blogging" U no wot I mene?

forlorn said...

At least you don't have the kind of voice that prompts people to express concern over how soft it is and offer unsolicited advice for its maintenance. You are well-positioned to contend with the loud-voiced folk who take up all the air space. I can only dream, as my interjection passes unheard.

Caz said...

James Valentine is still alive, AND has a job?

Go bloody figure!

Email: timhtrain - at - yahoo.com.au

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