(Observing the men's watches) "Ridiculous. Stupid. Useless. Redundant. I don't want to wear any of these. And they call these men's watches! "
(Seeing a slim woman's belt) "What on earth are all these little square button things for? I don't like it."
(Spotting a green plate shaped like a leaf) "Ha! That one will be in the antique stores in a month or two. Straight to the Sallies for you."
(Reading a label) "Contemporary bedding? What the hell is this contemporary bedding? Who needs to sleep on a contemporary bed? I mean, this is just such rubbish. When bedding myself, my needs are very simple: a blanket, a mattress, and a pillow. What sort of sleeping person worries if the bed enabling their sleeping is contemporary?"
And so the cranky old man who lives in my head and myself trundled along home to look for a crossword to fill out. (He knows all about cross words, too, you see.)