kidattypewriter

Sunday, October 18, 2009

Fantastic refrigerators!

Last week, I looked up the appropriate definition for the phrase 'gets your goolies', which turned out to be inappropriate; wondered what the division of testicles would do to certain parts of the English language; researched various children's songs on this ABC website; used the phrase 'cool bananas', looked that up on the same website, and didn't find anything; pondered, if 'cool bananas' was a recognisable phrase now, what phrases people would use in the future; and subtracted several 'goolies' from another children's song and substituted the names of various common sexually-transmissible diseases. How many people can say they have done as much? 

One or two explanations might be in order. Firstly, the phrase 'gets your goolies', which a pair of radio presenters seemed to be using to mean 'makes you angry': although Macquarie Dictionary or the Australian Word Map don't list the entire phrase, they do offer the spelling 'goolies', or 'goolie', singular (and not 'gooly', as I would might have expected): 

goolie
// (say 'goohlee)
noun Colloquial 1. (usually plural) a testicle: hit in the goolies.
2. a gob of phlegm. Also, gooly. [origin uncertain, compare Hindi gullÄ« small round object, golÄ« ball]


The definition on Australian Word Map was similar. Unfortunately, to my annoyance, the Word Map didn't recognise the phrase cool bananas, although it is at least in Macquarie: 'cool bananas, an exclamation of understanding and agreement'. I had used that in the cafe that day, while ordering lunch, and wondered for several minutes, if such odd phrases as 'cool bananas' were in use nowadays, where they had come from, and, more importantly, where they were going to. I put myself in the position of an imaginary cafe customer, fifty or 100 years into the future, idly using bizarre, nonsensical, wild, and random exclamations such as 'fantastic refrigerators!' and 'it really galumphs my gazelle' and 'that tastes as sweet as a hatstand in a thunderstorm', or, even, 'pestiferous prallibutts!' Because, really, you could never tell what people will come up with. 

As for the subtraction of goolies, well, I would say it's more innocent than it sounds, but it's also less so. You see, I was writing another turn-off poem (poem intended to inspire raging feelings of sexual ambivalence and disinterest, etc - see my previous post), and I decided to do a different version of the old Boy Scout song 'Ging Gang Goolie'. And here's what I came up with: 

Thrush warts anal anal anal anal cancer
Syphilis! Syphilis!
Thrush warts anal anal anal anal cancer
Syphilis! Syphilis!

Scabies oh vaginosis oh Hepatitis A, B, C!
Scabies oh vaginosis oh Hepatitis A, B, C!

Gonorrhea gonorrhea gonorrhea gonorrhea 
Herpes herpes herpes herpes
Gonorrhea gonorrhea gonorrhea gonorrhea 
Herpes herpes herpes herpes

Thrush warts anal anal anal anal cancer
Syphilis! Syphilis!
Thrush warts anal anal anal anal cancer
Syphilis! Syphilis!

And that is pretty much what happened last week. Perhaps you can tell me what it means: does it spiflicate your spigot, or is it about as interesting as a polyphonic cardboard box? Comment, everyone!

12 comments:

Alexis, Baron von Harlot said...

Apparently llamas get syphilis too.

nailpolishblues said...

Painfully like a day at work only lacking chlamydia trachomatis - it goes with gonorrhoea, you see?

Better llamas than lamas I suppose.

You can call me but I might not speak to you said...

Llamas get syphilis?

TimT said...

That must be kind of llame.

TimT said...

The one-l lama,
He's a priest.
The two-l llama,
He's a beast.
And there's no such thing as
A three-l lllama.

Ogden Nash, who adds in a note that he has been informed by a reader that an alarm clock that rings thrice could be said to be a 'three alarmer'.

TimT said...

Oh bollocks. I just remembered the poem concludes this way:

But I would bet
A silk pyjama
There's no such thing as
A three-l lllama.

Lllame!

Alexis, Baron von Harlot said...

So yes, in conclusion, llamas can get syphilis. I heard it on the radio - a special Science Show episode on syphilis. The same show alleges that the first rhinoplasty was developed to combat the visible signs of the syph, to wit, the erosion of the nasal cartilage.

TimT said...

What's rhinoplasty, when a rhinoceros needs to go to the plastic surgeon?

TimT said...

No, that doesn't make sense, Lord and Lady Rataxes cut very fine figures indeed.

Alexis, Baron von Harlot said...

Rhinoplasty = nose-plasty. Rhinos is Greek for "nose", hence "rhinoceros" (nose-horn).

Maria said...

I have said cool beans more often than cool bananas.

I don't know why.

TimT said...

I prefer a hot bean to a cool bean, but in some circumstances* a hot banana is just as nice as a cool one.

*Those circumstances being 'fritters' or a variation on the banana-dessert.

Email: timhtrain - at - yahoo.com.au

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