WARNING: the following preview should not be seen by small children, the elderly, and adults. Everyone else can see it, though.
2012, as brought to you by acclaimed movie director Roland Emmerich, and the Melbourne Public Transport System
(SCENE: Inner city Melbourne, Bourke Street in the process of being flooded by a titanic wall of sea water. As it rushes past Myer, a smartly-dressed metrosexual emerges out of the building, and is immediately swept away in the swirling waters. He screams!)
(A PANICKED AND HYSTERICAL MOB rushes up towards Russell Street.)
PANICKED AND HYSTERICAL MOB: OMG! WTF! Shriek! Yawp! Help! Eeeeeeeeee! (etc).
SCARED MAN: If only there weren't so many restrictions on traffic on inner-city Melbourne Streets, we could just break open these cars and drive out of town!
HORROR-STRUCK WOMAN: We've only got one choice! We've got to catch the tram!
(To appropriate music - Thus Spake Zarathustra, or The Ride of the Valkyries, or possibly both, at the same time - the 86 Tram lumbers up the hill.)
PANICKED AND HYSTERICAL MOB: Eeeee! Awk! Wait for me! Yargh!
(Everyone rushes onto the tram)
SCARED MAN: But... it's only going as far as Clifton Hill! We're going to have to do a changeover!
HORROR-STRUCK WOMAN: THERE'S NO OTHER CHOICE!
(SCENE: The tram is lumbering around the Gertrude Street/Smith Street corner, with a herd of slavering dinosaurs nipping at its wheels. All of a sudden, it grinds to a halt).
SCARED MAN: What... what the hell's going on?
HORROR-STRUCK WOMAN: That old woman with a shopping cart full of bricks has to get someone to help her shopping cart on the tram!
SCARED MAN: But... there's no time! We'll all be eaten!
HORROR-STRUCK WOMAN: (As a tyrannosaurus pops its head in through the window and nibbles on her hat)
BUT THE TRAM DRIVER HAS AN OBLIGATION TO STOP FOR EVERYONE - THERE'S NO OTHER CHOICE!
PANICKED AND HYSTERICAL MOB: Arrrrrrrgh! Heeeeeeeeeeeeeelp! Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeep!
Other scenes include: The bit where they have to wait even though a huge gaping hole in the ground is about to open up underneath the tram because the people in the tram behind have to change over because of a brake defect, the bit where the tram driver waits in Northcote for two minutes in order to stay on the timetable, and the suspensful bit where the ticket inspectors get on and not everyone has their ticket in order!
The tram! Coming sooner, or later, to a city street near you!
Tim, your links stink, you fink!
- John Bangsund's Threepenny Planet
- Broken Biro
- Poetry 24
- Superlative scribbles
- Kirstyn McD!
- Rorrim a tsomla almost a mirror
- More Sterne
- Cam the man from the Dan.
- Too hot to Raaaaaaandallllllll!
- Erin's Excellently Everlasting Effervescements!
- Slammy Infamy
- Hail Paco!
- Baron Blandwagon, purveyor of cyberbunnies, hawker of Roger Corman, and Misruler of the Multiverse
- The Bolta. Aiyeeeeee!!!!!
- Bad Apple Audrey
- The cartoon church
- Sir Martinkus
- A Zemblanian abroad and at home
- A hodge podge of hotzeplotz
- THE SLAMMA!
- Jottlesby's nottings, or should that be Nottlesby's jottings?
- The Snarking of the Hunt
- Jazzy Hands
- David of Metal City
- David the Barista
- The Blogger on the Cast Iron Balcony
- Be an Opinion Dominion Minion!
- ... and Fel
- His brilliant career - from whale sushi to crumbed prawn
- Jo Blogs
- Yet another Tim
- Was two peas, now three peas
- ... Still Life - now with extra rotating cats!
- An Amazingly Awesome Australian Ampersand!
- Blink and you'll miss 'er
- Red in the land of the tigers!
- Wire of Vibe
- Chase him, ladies, he's in the cavalry!
- The Non-palindromical Editrix in Germanium
- Old Sterne
- The briefs...
- ... and the brieflets
- The Purple Blog
- Blairville, lair of all that is wicked and perfidious
- The enticingly acronymical CSH
- EXTREEEEEEEME WYNTER!
- Mark of California
- Silent Speaking
- Lexicon the Mexican
- ► 2016 (54)
- ► 2015 (106)
- ► 2014 (135)
- ► 2013 (173)
- ► 2012 (275)
- ► 2011 (261)
- ► 2010 (288)
- An appreciation
- Excremental success!
- The cat diet, based on my observations of Harriet ...
- Hallowed hyphens, Batman!
- Just when I thought I couldn't find a Freudian sli...
- Coming sooner. Or later.
- Twite verse
- Mixed metaphors of the obvious
- Da-da-da-da-da da da da!
- Eat your greens
- Under Ringwood, by Dylan Hommus
- More musica than you
- Pleased to meet your acquaintanceship
- Pest control
- Poem about slurping, and other subjects
- Sleeping cats are better than movies
- What else is a meta for?
- Political machinations
- Pointless political statement of the day
- The fierce ding-a-ling of the Mayoral bicycle bell...
- They call it the omelette plant
- I drunk therefore I um
- What Katy Didn't Do Next
- Loss loss!
- ▼ November (28)
- ► 2008 (316)
- ► 2007 (392)
- ► 2006 (373)
- ► 2005 (287)