kidattypewriter

Saturday, March 06, 2010

The alarm cat

The alarm cat is just as good as waking you up as the alarm clock, except it does it by brutally attacking your toes instead of savagely attacking your ears. Indeed, as the normal person has eight more toes than they have ears, the alarm cat is arguably even better than the alarm clock, as it has more obvious opportunities for attack.*

NOTE: you cannot set an alarm time for the alarm cat, so it will probably wake you much earlier or later than you wanted to be awoken. Don't worry, it will almost definitely be earlier.

(Good morning, everyone...)

*Some professionals in the field of waking up suggest it might be time to develop other methods of waking people up, not involving people being brutally attacked by alarms, cats, ninjas, samurais, etc, but so far all the 'gentle, loving, and comfortable' waking up methods seem to have the opposite effect to which they were intended.

14 comments:

Alexis, Baron von Harlot said...

It is an HONOUR to be woken by the Alarm Cat. It is a PRIVILEGE. Some people would PAY to have their sleeping toes savaged by Beatrice.

TimT said...

Probably three times during the course of the night. She is nothing if not diligent.

Steve said...

Why do cats do that?

By the way, did anyone here see a very charming anecdote by Alan on Qi this week, about his dog waking him up?

TimT said...

Who, on what?

TimT said...

Is it a telly show?

Clearly I missed the charming anecdote, what was it?

Steve said...

You can watch it on ABC iView Tim:

http://www.abc.net.au/iview/#/comedy

It's a mildly diverting Stephen Fry panel show, but I liked the story about the dog this week.

Mitzi G Burger said...

Miooooooooooooooooooooooooow! (hits snooze, counter-attacked by claws) Mioooooooooooooooooooow! Alarm Cat, the only awakening device that refuses to be ignored!

TimT said...

I thought for a second you were referring to the pre-Confucian doctrine regarding the metaphysical life-force that pervades the entirety of the universe, Steve. Which metaphysical life-force clearly had some mysterious relationship to a guy called Alan. Actually yes, I have seen that show. Quite funny.

Steve said...

I can see your confusion Tim. It would be like me solemnly revealing to you the revelation I had in a dream that the unutterable name of God is not "Yahweh", it's "Alan".

TimT said...

... and in a blinding flash of lightning, Steve is immediately wiped from the earth for uttering the unutterable name...

Steve said...

BTW how was the hailstorm where you were, Tim?

TimT said...

Well early Saturday arvo I toddled down to the Dan O'Connell in Carlton, near central Melbourne, as I'm wont to do for their Saturday poetry arvos. It was blue skies when I caught the tram, but when I got out and was walking the few blocks to the pub the clouds had come over. As we were all sitting in the pub it got REALLY dark - I mean, even with the lights on it was hard to see one another - and then it just started p*ssing down. I didn't actually see the hail, though some other folks in the pub remarked on it. It was only a few hours later, after I'd caught a tram home, that I realised whole parts of the inner city were flooded! So that's how it was from my naive, complacent perspective!

TimT said...

Though it'll be interesting hearing how some of the other work colleagues experienced it.

Steve said...

Let's hope the Second Coming doesn't happen during one of those sessions, Tim. You'll probably miss it.

Email: timhtrain - at - yahoo.com.au

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