For the last year or so I've been working in a little corner to the back of the office, with a window fronting on to a laneway. The office that I work in sounds more or less like an office should, the corner that I sit in sounds more or less like any corner would, but the laneway that the window looks out over sounds, unfortunately, very much like a laneway. The laneway comes complete with trucks that sound very much like trucks should, a warehouse that sounds very much like a warehouse should, and objects being vigorously unloaded from the warehouse that sound very much like objects being vigorously unloaded from any old warehouse, anywhere in the world, should. In case you are in any doubt what vigorous unloading sounds like, several onomatopaeic terms should convey to you a general sense of these sounds, and their effect on your auricular cavities:
Got that? So as you can imagine, this tends to have an effect on the, ahem, high quality documents that I'm banging up from the radio or television at any one time:
VERY IMPORTANT POLITICIAN: And I can reveal to you today SMASHCLATTERCLUTTERCLATTERNOISELOUDSMASH fiscal expenditure BLAMSLAMBLAMSLAMRATTLEBATTLEWARHURTDISORDERCLATTERCLITTERSHATTER and so you can see, there is absolutely no doubt at all that my party are absolute and utter economic and political geniuses, and you should vote for us immediately.
RADIO ANNOUNCER: Wow. You've convinced me.
ANGRY MAN: And so Mister SLAMBLAMCLATTER is actually HURTWOUNDSHATTER and also RATTLERATTLERATTLERATTLEBANGBANGSLAMBANG not to mention a BLAMSLAMCRASH did I just say that on radio?
RADIO ANNOUNCER: Yes, I think you just did.
ANGRY MAN: Whoops.
It's just a pity it hasn't happened more in pieces of this nature:
A CERTAIN FORMER PRIME MINISTER: Fair suck of the sauce bottle, Ms Reporter, can I just say this [INSERT SEVERAL MINUTES OF RATTLECLATTERBANG] programmatic specif [SEVERAL MORE MINUTES OF SAME] thank you for your time today, it's been a pleasure.
Tim, your links stink, you fink!
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- THE SLAMMA!
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- His brilliant career - from whale sushi to crumbed prawn
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- The briefs...
- ... and the brieflets
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- The moley sonnets, v. VIII, p. 109
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