Not that you probably want to know this, but we walked through a fart last night. Consultation on the matter established without a shadow of a doubt that neither of us were responsible for it; rather, said flatulence was simply there, malingering, in the middle of the traffic island as we crossed the street.
Previously, I had thought vaguely, in that vague way I have of thinking, that once farts are released into the world, they disperse, spread, and are quickly absorbed into the surrounding environment. Not so, according to the olfactory evidence last night: they simply go on and on, around the word, flying hither and yon, a free gaseous spirit, finding fresh noses to grace. What follows from this is rather alarming: everything that everyone has ever farted is continuing around the world now; and the quantity is continue to grow as the amount of people who are farting increase. Pretty soon, it won't be long before the amount of people are overwhelmed by the gathering balls of flatulence, a great apocalypse of wind.
Or - and these thoughts just occur to me now - it was an example of long-range flatulence, a highly targeted emission from a sinister farting sniper; or maybe a case of localised, pre-emptive bottumular emissions, a sulfurous time bomb laid in wait for our attendance. Maybe it was even a time traveling fart!
There is a final possibility that occurred to me: maybe, like the tree that falls in the forest that needs someone to see or hear it fall, the humble fart that travels around the world needs a subjective observer to be verified and fully realised. Maybe without our appreciation it can never exist, and thus as we traveled by, this humble fart was finally satisfied, and could vanish in - well, not in a puff of smoke, because that's already what it was, but - a lack of a puff of smoke? Yeah, one of those.
Tim, your links stink, you fink!
- John Bangsund's Threepenny Planet
- Broken Biro
- Poetry 24
- Superlative scribbles
- Kirstyn McD!
- Rorrim a tsomla almost a mirror
- More Sterne
- Cam the man from the Dan.
- Too hot to Raaaaaaandallllllll!
- Erin's Excellently Everlasting Effervescements!
- Slammy Infamy
- Hail Paco!
- Baron Blandwagon, purveyor of cyberbunnies, hawker of Roger Corman, and Misruler of the Multiverse
- The Bolta. Aiyeeeeee!!!!!
- Bad Apple Audrey
- The cartoon church
- Sir Martinkus
- A Zemblanian abroad and at home
- A hodge podge of hotzeplotz
- THE SLAMMA!
- Jottlesby's nottings, or should that be Nottlesby's jottings?
- The Snarking of the Hunt
- Jazzy Hands
- David of Metal City
- David the Barista
- The Blogger on the Cast Iron Balcony
- Be an Opinion Dominion Minion!
- ... and Fel
- His brilliant career - from whale sushi to crumbed prawn
- Jo Blogs
- Yet another Tim
- Was two peas, now three peas
- ... Still Life - now with extra rotating cats!
- An Amazingly Awesome Australian Ampersand!
- Blink and you'll miss 'er
- Red in the land of the tigers!
- Wire of Vibe
- Chase him, ladies, he's in the cavalry!
- The Non-palindromical Editrix in Germanium
- Old Sterne
- The briefs...
- ... and the brieflets
- The Purple Blog
- Blairville, lair of all that is wicked and perfidious
- The enticingly acronymical CSH
- EXTREEEEEEEME WYNTER!
- Mark of California
- Silent Speaking
- Lexicon the Mexican
- ► 2013 (173)
- ► 2012 (275)
- Over there
- Dark Age Rage
- And the kids from Bundoora were scrabbling around ...
- An ideological interpretation of a popular song
- The canine life of Bright
- Miss pique
- The return of Angry Barky Dog
- Judging a cover by its book
- Cities of wonder and amazement and opobalsamum
- Employment advice
- VERY IMPORTANT BLOG POST*
- Farty speculations
- Things which I know make no sense but which I stil...
- Eat my bathroom
- Various bits about various things
- Dozy dizzy daisy
- Coffee sandwiches, gingerbags, and teabread
- Non-sequiturs from my life
- Light verse
- Blog post number something or other
- Where did I go wrong?
- Proposals for television shows
- Stirring team anthems written for vegetables #997
- Apposite opposition proposition
- Someone tell the Nazguls to stop sniffing paint ca...
- Modest and reasonable
- ▼ April (26)
- ► 2010 (288)
- ► 2009 (290)
- ► 2008 (316)
- ► 2007 (392)
- ► 2006 (373)
- ► 2005 (287)