kidattypewriter

Sunday, July 31, 2011

Tips for adding magic and mystery to your life

Want to make your house look like the steaming forests of Samarkand or Ind to add a little magic and mystery to your life? How about

1) BURNING THE TOAST
Yes, the carboniferous fumes floating poetically upwards from the toaster in the morning sunbeams will make your house seem full of enchantment and wonder - exactly the sort of enchantment and wonder that tourists will be looking for in Samarkand and Ind at this time of the year!

As an added touch, try and have some chickens poking around through the smoky atmosphere and stabbing at random things with their beaks, making your steaming forest seem positively Jurassic.

2) RUNNING A REALLY BLOODY HOT BATH AND CLOSING THE DOORS AND WINDOWS
Right to the top. Not only will it create a crapload of steam, but if it overflows, it'll be as if you're wading through the sort of swamp that, in a slightly different context (that context being the actual forests of Samarkand and Ind) extremely rich tourists would pay extremely large amounts of money for the partaking thereof. Try and have a banana palm sitting in a pot next to the bath, too. It'll add that little extra touch of authenticity.

I seem to remember in all the movies about the forests of Samarkand and Ind, they always seem to have a kookaburra laughing in the background too, so you could try getting a kookaburra. On second thoughts, that might be a little impractical in a bathroom context.


How your kitchen could look with the simple addition of a little burnt toast!

3 comments:

Caz said...

The only thing that happens when I burn the toast (which is remarkably often, thanks to the inability of any toaster to toast just so and evenly all over) is a hideous screeching sound that remains until every hint of smoke has cleared the room.

There are sure as shite no naked women lolling about the place.

TimT said...

The fire/smoke alarm over here became decidedly eccentric some months ago and began screeching at random intervals, apparently unrelated to what was going on in the kitchen, or any other part of the house. It seemed to take especial delight in screeching when guests were over.

Consequently I took it down and haven't bothered to put it back up yet - in the meantime I'm making sure to cook as many smoky/steamy meals as possible!

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