Yesterday morning I was looking closely at the operations of my espresso coffee machine. It was really lovely - you turned the knob and soon everything in the room was wreathed in clouds of steam, and the end result was a small amount of coffee being produced in my cup. It's the sort of espresso maker that you might like to boast about as a kind of status symbol of sophistication, but really, I just like it because it's a machine. I like how you just have to plug it in and turn a knob to make it go.
By chance, later that day I happened to be in, of all places, Box Hill Centro, and entirely confused. If only that had something so simple as a button you could press to make it go. Or to make it stop - is there a button to make it stop? - please tell me there's a button that activates a stopping mechanism. Nothing so simple or lovely as a machine, is Box Hill Centro. Rather, it appears to be a multi-spatial-hyper-transport-non-Euclidean-geometrical-postmodern-economic-zones-existence-entity*. Everywhere everyone seemed to be running around buying everything and running into everyone else, which was geospatially inconvenient. People from points A, B, C, and D were perpetually converging on point E and then suffering the consequences. And I know it's wrong to make sweeping ethnic or racial generalisations, but Box Hill Centro appears to be overrun with Box Hillians. Really, I felt like I was in a foreign country or something.
The key to understanding Box Hill Centro, or what purported to be playing that purpose, was the map of the whole farrago at the entrance. And what a befuddling map that was. Every store was labelled with a number, and beside that number there was also a confusing compass point (North or South, if memory serves me correctly), and when I went walking around looking for the stores I couldn't find them anyway, and also anyway, none of them had the numbers that they had on the map. And plus also anyway, when I went upstairs all of a sudden I found I wasn't in Box Hill Centro anymore I was in....
... a bus station... ?
... all of which buses seemed to be running from Box Hill Centro to other shopping centres of note. I spotted one going to Doncaster, and another heading off to Chadstone, and I bet there was a Northland one as well. What is it with buses and shopping centres? Has the government (whoever they are, or were, or might be) decided that the purpose of the public transport system should be linking up multi-spatial-hyper-transport-non-Euclidean-geometrical-postmodern-economic-zones-existence-entities with one another? Is there any way of escaping? Can I just press a button? PLEASE TELL ME THERE'S A BUTTON TO MAKE IT STOP....
Ahem. I think I'll go back and make myself another coffee now.
* I could probably turn all of that into an acronym but it would be almost as long, and just as confusing.
Tim, your links stink, you fink!
- John Bangsund's Threepenny Planet
- Broken Biro
- Poetry 24
- Superlative scribbles
- Kirstyn McD!
- Rorrim a tsomla almost a mirror
- More Sterne
- Cam the man from the Dan.
- Too hot to Raaaaaaandallllllll!
- Erin's Excellently Everlasting Effervescements!
- Slammy Infamy
- Hail Paco!
- Baron Blandwagon, purveyor of cyberbunnies, hawker of Roger Corman, and Misruler of the Multiverse
- The Bolta. Aiyeeeeee!!!!!
- Bad Apple Audrey
- The cartoon church
- Sir Martinkus
- A Zemblanian abroad and at home
- A hodge podge of hotzeplotz
- THE SLAMMA!
- Jottlesby's nottings, or should that be Nottlesby's jottings?
- The Snarking of the Hunt
- Jazzy Hands
- David of Metal City
- David the Barista
- The Blogger on the Cast Iron Balcony
- Be an Opinion Dominion Minion!
- ... and Fel
- His brilliant career - from whale sushi to crumbed prawn
- Jo Blogs
- Yet another Tim
- Was two peas, now three peas
- ... Still Life - now with extra rotating cats!
- An Amazingly Awesome Australian Ampersand!
- Blink and you'll miss 'er
- Red in the land of the tigers!
- Wire of Vibe
- Chase him, ladies, he's in the cavalry!
- The Non-palindromical Editrix in Germanium
- Old Sterne
- The briefs...
- ... and the brieflets
- The Purple Blog
- Blairville, lair of all that is wicked and perfidious
- The enticingly acronymical CSH
- EXTREEEEEEEME WYNTER!
- Mark of California
- Silent Speaking
- Lexicon the Mexican
- ► 2014 (79)
- ► 2013 (173)
- The power of non-sequiturs compels you
- Interruptus: the Can Do Campbell Newman tongue twi...
- Amazing diet tips for a well-rounded diet!
- Illusive elusive exclusive
- Notes from a day of public transport
- Star Boor
- If the super-bombs don't get you, the cigarettes w...
- Le Hill du Box
- Ask a rhetorical question
- BREAKING NEWS: Russians launch first potato into s...
- Thoughts on rhyming verse
- Need a problem? I can help!
- Survival of the fittest, Lalor edition
- My rooster doesn't work
- I stared into the abyss and the abyss stared back ...
- The Alpenhorns of faith
- Cough cough cough cough coffee
- Imaginary friends
- The moo moo blues
- Ties and Slippers
- ▼ March (22)
- ► 2011 (261)
- ► 2010 (288)
- ► 2009 (290)
- ► 2008 (316)
- ► 2007 (392)
- ► 2006 (373)
- ► 2005 (287)