The origin of toilet roll towers is veiled in the mists of time. When did the first primitive peoples start using the toilet rolls that were left-over once all the paper had been taken off to make rudimentary constructions? What did the first towers, consisting of a mere two or three toilet rolls, signify? Were they a monument to the Gods? A technical experiment? A demonstration of the power of some local ruler? The more we delve into this matters, it seems, the less we know: if we are to accept that the Ancient Egyptian Pharaohs used the power of slave labour to erect their toilet roll pyramids, then how did they get all those slaves into the toilet? Like I said, it is veiled in the mists of time.
Today, toilet roll architecture stretches across the globe, and also into the Baron and Tim's bathroom. Who are the Baron and Tim anyway? What ancient secrets do they have linking them to the time of Sumer, when it is thought the first true toilet roll architectural guilds began? While we may never know for certain who Tim and the Baron are, it seems fairly clear that they live in Lalor and have a sizeable toilet roll tower in their bathroom. It is less clear just who is responsible for it: the Baron says Tim did it. Tim maintains the cats did it. The cats ignore me and lick their tails. Is there something I am not meant to know? During the whole of time I spent with this shy and vulnerable ancient tribe, although impressed by the resilience of their simple tribal ways, I never managed to get to the bottom of this question.
One thing is for certain: if you are thinking of making a toilet roll tower for yourself, make sure you do it away from the front of the toilet, lest someone going into the toilet should accidentally cause the tower to topple by shutting the door. Also, you might find that any cats or tigers that are around the house might like to play with the toilet roll tower. But was that one thing or two things? Alas, that is yet another question that we may never know the answer to in the still-developing science of toilet roll architecture. Let me just repeat three words: veiled, mists, time.
Tim, your links stink, you fink!
- John Bangsund's Threepenny Planet
- Broken Biro
- Poetry 24
- Superlative scribbles
- Kirstyn McD!
- Rorrim a tsomla almost a mirror
- More Sterne
- Cam the man from the Dan.
- Too hot to Raaaaaaandallllllll!
- Erin's Excellently Everlasting Effervescements!
- Slammy Infamy
- Hail Paco!
- Baron Blandwagon, purveyor of cyberbunnies, hawker of Roger Corman, and Misruler of the Multiverse
- The Bolta. Aiyeeeeee!!!!!
- Bad Apple Audrey
- The cartoon church
- Sir Martinkus
- A Zemblanian abroad and at home
- A hodge podge of hotzeplotz
- THE SLAMMA!
- Jottlesby's nottings, or should that be Nottlesby's jottings?
- The Snarking of the Hunt
- Jazzy Hands
- David of Metal City
- David the Barista
- The Blogger on the Cast Iron Balcony
- Be an Opinion Dominion Minion!
- ... and Fel
- His brilliant career - from whale sushi to crumbed prawn
- Jo Blogs
- Yet another Tim
- Was two peas, now three peas
- ... Still Life - now with extra rotating cats!
- An Amazingly Awesome Australian Ampersand!
- Blink and you'll miss 'er
- Red in the land of the tigers!
- Wire of Vibe
- Chase him, ladies, he's in the cavalry!
- The Non-palindromical Editrix in Germanium
- Old Sterne
- The briefs...
- ... and the brieflets
- The Purple Blog
- Blairville, lair of all that is wicked and perfidious
- The enticingly acronymical CSH
- EXTREEEEEEEME WYNTER!
- Mark of California
- Silent Speaking
- Lexicon the Mexican
- ► 2014 (115)
- ► 2013 (173)
- In Memori... um?
- Blog post written entirely without vowels
- Birds in words
- Getting chased by ravening tigers has got to be go...
- An elegant solution is proposed to the Chaplains i...
- Putting the wham into whimsy
- The ancient history at the bottom of my beer keg
- Reasons for and against
- Destruction! Devastation! And low low prices!
- The media disaster, and also Fairfax
- What was the name of that song again that that per...
- For my next trick, I will turn a sonata into a sul...
- Aphorism which just popped into my head but which ...
- Locations for new poetry readings
- In training for the International Long Distance Mi...
- Amazing origami designs!
- The blightings on the wall
- Cooking with Tim - hot cross buns!
- To express the difficulty within a certain area of...
- The Substitute Handkerchief Review
- First notes towards a historical study of toilet r...
- Things that sound like other things
- Next train to Sydenglam
- WTFF News: Tasmania discovered (again)
- The reason for my being late for work today, tomor...
- ▼ June (25)
- ► 2011 (261)
- ► 2010 (288)
- ► 2009 (290)
- ► 2008 (316)
- ► 2007 (392)
- ► 2006 (373)
- ► 2005 (287)