Wednesday, July 04, 2012

WTFF news: Higgs Boson particle thinks you're a bastard.

MERNDA, WEDNESDAY - Astounding developments in the particle physics world today, when scientists tracked the Higgs Boson particle down to a bar in Mernda and discovered that the obscure sub-atomic entity thinks you are a 'bastard'.

In more controversial news, the Higgs Boson particle maintains that you 'knicked a hundred dollars off me and won't give it back' and maintains that 'yez is looking the wrong way at me girlfriend.'

Particle physicists, who used careful scientific equations and high-tech experimental devices to track down the whereabouts of the Higgs Boson particle have yet to formulate the latest results in a paper. However, they say they will be certain to include all of the Higgs Boson particle's claims about you as part of their researches.

The Higgs Boson particle, which can be found in the Mernda pub every day of the week except some Mondays when it goes to the local Centrelink to get money, claims troubles started with you years ago when 'you smashed the window on my car.' It notes that it said 'I'll smash you, I'll smash your face, I will', but you did not back down. The Higgs Boson particle says it is 'effin' scared of you' and is calling the cops on you as soon as it gets out of the pub.

However, other sub-atomic particles found in the same pub did not back the Higgs Boson particle's dramatic claims about you. The Charmed Quark said 'yer a top bloke' while the Neutrino reckons it 'scored some top mushies off you mate, real beaut ones.'

A full list of claims the Higgs Boson particle has made about you will be released by Friday, as well as a scientific paper about its whereabouts.


TimT said...

Right, that's enough science coverage now, goodnight everyone!

Aras said...


Aras said...


epicormicgrowth said...

I have an image of a crusty barnacled but warm hearted bosun (boatswain) - the friendly subatomic particle.

TimT said...

I tend to make the connection bosun - bozo. And then there are leptons. I like leptons!

epicormicgrowth said...

Lepton - sub-atomic particle tired of being jumped upon, also of references to Hansen's disease.

TimT said...

Did you hear S J Perelman's throwaway line about Bright's Disease? 'I've got Bright's Disease and he's got mine.'

Anonymous said...


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