1. There must be two pillows. One pillow is acceptable but two is preferable.
2. It is absolutely necessary that the sheets be at right angles to the bed. One must be quite strict about this. An angular sheet can cause hours of stress; efforts to move the angular sheet may change the angles of the sheets on top of it, and may result in gaps that let in the cold night air.
3. The sheet should be tucked in firmly but with room for the feet at the bottom. There should certainly not be gaps that let in the cold air to play around your feet.
4. Dogs are allowed to sleep in the bed.
5. Cats are allowed to sleep in the bed. Though maybe not at the same time as dogs.
6. Before letting the cats on to the bed, it is advised that one strategically align one's body so that both cat and body may have space for manouevre. Cats may attempt to thwart this strategic alignment by waiting until you are just asleep and then coming and laying themselves right across your legs, or even in between them, until you wake up realising how uncomfortable things have become, and you have to turn to accomodate the cat, resulting in less room for your body and more room for the cat. This may be avoided by... by... well, I'm not sure if it can be avoided, but avoid it anyway.
7 Do not wear socks. It may make your feet feel warm at first but then they will feel over-warm, and it will become necessary to reach deep into the blanketed area to remove them from your feet.
8. Do not, in your dazed, half-awake, half-asleep stupour, attempt to manouevre the blankets with your feet alone. Results will almost never be satisfactory, and will merely result in keeping you awake.
9. Yes, do stay in bed for another half hour. It may not be necessary - but that kind of makes it compulsory.
Tim, your links stink, you fink!
- John Bangsund's Threepenny Planet
- Broken Biro
- Poetry 24
- Superlative scribbles
- Kirstyn McD!
- Rorrim a tsomla almost a mirror
- More Sterne
- Cam the man from the Dan.
- Too hot to Raaaaaaandallllllll!
- Erin's Excellently Everlasting Effervescements!
- Slammy Infamy
- Hail Paco!
- Baron Blandwagon, purveyor of cyberbunnies, hawker of Roger Corman, and Misruler of the Multiverse
- The Bolta. Aiyeeeeee!!!!!
- Bad Apple Audrey
- The cartoon church
- Sir Martinkus
- A Zemblanian abroad and at home
- A hodge podge of hotzeplotz
- THE SLAMMA!
- Jottlesby's nottings, or should that be Nottlesby's jottings?
- The Snarking of the Hunt
- Jazzy Hands
- David of Metal City
- David the Barista
- The Blogger on the Cast Iron Balcony
- Be an Opinion Dominion Minion!
- ... and Fel
- His brilliant career - from whale sushi to crumbed prawn
- Jo Blogs
- Yet another Tim
- Was two peas, now three peas
- ... Still Life - now with extra rotating cats!
- An Amazingly Awesome Australian Ampersand!
- Blink and you'll miss 'er
- Red in the land of the tigers!
- Wire of Vibe
- Chase him, ladies, he's in the cavalry!
- The Non-palindromical Editrix in Germanium
- Old Sterne
- The briefs...
- ... and the brieflets
- The Purple Blog
- Blairville, lair of all that is wicked and perfidious
- The enticingly acronymical CSH
- EXTREEEEEEEME WYNTER!
- Mark of California
- Silent Speaking
- Lexicon the Mexican
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- At the miniature golf course
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- Half the bran I used to be
- Jaws for thought
- A poem about remembering the milk
- A song for Monday
- I didn't even see the strings
- This sonnet is a limerick
- Unacknowledged culinary-musical masterpieces
- Obsessio compendia
- Untimations of ummortality
- Hoary old folk sayings
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- Family scrabble conversations
- Housekeeping tips from Tim
- Humph! Bumph!
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