Soapmakers of the world, apparently not satisfied with tormenting children by providing a product that washes dirt off their bodies, and tormenting adults by charging them ever larger prices for ever smaller products, and tormenting me by crafting little cake-shaped things that are actually soap, have added a new evil to their list. Well, new to me, anyway. Soap made out of milk.
What is wrong with these people? Do they not have anything better to do with their lives than make soap out of milk, lovely milk, beautiful milk, milk that could be used for drinking or cooking or making yoghurt or cheese? It is true that there are two types of people in this world: clean people, and myself. But why milk, of all substances? Why can't these clean people find a way to make soap out of broad beans? Or broccoli? Or tofu?
There is something perverse about a world that allows this sort of thing to go on. But perhaps, in the sake of mutual accord and cooperation, we can work out a little compromise: instead of making soap, all these people start making cheese instead. They lather themselves every evening with the cheese, hang it up to dry, and then crumble the cheese on their pizzas in the morning. Sounds good to me. Clean people get to stay clean, and gourmets get to enjoy the new and entrancing flavours in their daily cheese hit.
Alternatively, we could just hand out a regulation bar of Solvol to everyone when they go to take a bath, and stop playing silly buggers with all these milk supplies. Soap! Who ever wanted to make soap out of milk?
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